17 DAYS TO GO | KWON SOONYOUNG

1

Hana

I felt suffocated....utterly suffocated.

My sudden escape in the middle of the class might've startled those around me but seeing me run frantically along the hallways made me look even more crazy.

How can I not act out of place? I was out of my mind! How can I believe that Kwon Soonyoung wasn't with us anymore. The same boy who lived right across me, the popular dancer kid at our school, a ball of sunshine that people called him...the same boy who committed suicide last night.

Was I so oblivious of the things around me that I never noticed how he was suffering that he took such a harsh step? But why would he do that? He wasn't an outcast like me nor a loner. His father wasn't a wanted criminal who was on the run like mine. Then why on earth did he do that?

And why wasn't I there to stop him?

As I ascended the stairs to the rooftop, a strange sensation overcame me. It was as if an invisible force had compelled my feet to stop, grounding me in that moment. Looking up, I glanced at the sky and was greeted by a sight that mirrored the turmoil within me. The once vibrant blue canvas above was now adorned with dark, brooding clouds that seemed to devour any glimmer of sunlight.

Was it too difficult for him to seek help from others? He had some really great and close friends that were in the same performing team as him. They called themselves 'SEVENTEEN'. But at the end of the day who was I kidding, even I never reached out for help.But my case was totally different...I had no one to ask.

After a moment of calming myself with all the crying, my tear-stained eyes began to clear, allowing me to take in my surroundings. It was then that I noticed a faint sound, barely audible amidst the gentle rustling of the wind.

Sauntering my way towards the other side of the rooftop I witnessed a boy leaning on the railing and getting drowned in his sorrows. His back looked familiar but I couldn't place a finger on who he was. I inched closer to him, cautiously.

"Jun is that you?" My voice was hoarse but it had reached his ears. "Kang Hana?" his face was a deep shade of red, a result of his crying. I knew the reason of his immense sorrow..he belonged to the same team as Soonyoung, one of his best friends. Jun was also my classmate but we never really interacted.

"Can you step down? You're scaring me!" a loud gush of wind flew past us as he slowly stepped down. I found my place beside him, observing the sky and overlooking the school campus.

"I don't really know..how to comfort someone" my mutter was small but he heard it. "I'm sorry though" my hate towards these words knew no bounds. How can someone say sorry and hope that everything changes for the better? Because it doesn't, not a single bit.

"I'm sorry too" he had stopped crying by now, just sniffling a little. I rummaged my jacket to find a handkerchief to lend him. He gladly accepted it.
"He was fine yesterday evening...more than fine even." I felt guilt strike me as my guts began to churn. I think I knew the reason what led him to-

"He never shared what was he going through. I guess it's our fault too" I wanted to assure him that it wasn't his fault but my own guilt demanded that it indeed even was my fault.

"It wasn't your fault Jun" I finally said it but that made him turn towards me, "It's funny how you're tearing up and guilt tripping your own self when you weren't even friends with him but expect me not to blame myself" there wasn't a hint of anger in his words, just remorse.

"We all believe that we could've prevented it from happening, don't we?" Of all the profanities that had run through my mind when I had noticed people's sullen and sorrowful faces as I entered today, this possibility didn't even cross my mind for second..it felt impossible.

Silence stretched between us and I despised how we were talking on a topic that never should've been discussed in the first place. This wasn't how I wanted to converse with Jun or anyone, especially not under these circumstances.

"You know, even though everyone at school act as if they like us, it is all a pretense. No one likes us..each and every one of them, hate us." What was he talking about-

That's when I recalled all the 'n' number of times when I overheard students snitching on them and talking shit behind their back. "Well atleast they care to pretend for you'll" my sigh was deeper than the Pacific Ocean at that moment.

"But I'll be content if they just straight up hated us" Oh boy, you don't know how painful that is! I could only give him my lips pursed in thin line as a reply.

"You shouldn't be talking to me" I backed away when I realised what I was doing. Jun was a transfer student and that's why he never knew! "What's wrong Hana?" He took steps closer to me, "People will hate you if they see you talking to me.. I'm sorry!" the last words I said to him before sprinting out the rooftop.