Our Life (Sequel to "Remnants")

Confessions, And More

-Riley-

"It, uh... It began not long after we reached Alexandria. At first it was only really little things - I'd get angry sometimes, or I'd get sorta claustrophobic, things like that. Then as time went on, these symptoms started to build up. It wasn't just subtle things anymore. I could barely sleep - nightmares, all the time - and that was making me constantly frustrated and on edge. When people told me what to do, gave me orders and whatnot, I'd sometimes... I'd actually want to hurt them. And now I... I've started... I've started seeing things, Carl. Things that have haunted me in the past - your dad, Negan's baseball bat, that crazy man a few days ago... It's all adding up. And yesterday I hit you, Carl - I punched you, in the face, when you were helping me, and it was after that when I finally realized that I couldn't keep this a secret anymore..."

We sat on his bed, with Carl still under the covers following his nightmare, as my boyfriend gradually processed all of this information.

It was only after my monologue that I reflected over what I had just revealed to Carl.

I sounded nothing short of crazy - hell, I probably was crazy. Just like that old man two days ago...

Maybe someone would kill me, like I'd killed him.

I ignored my thoughts, at least temporarily, and turned to gauge Carl's reaction to my revelations.

He sat, gazing at the floor for a moment. He knew how well I could read what he was thinking, and sometimes - when he didn't want me to know - he had his own sort of defense mechanism where he was able to conceal any tell-tale thoughts. This was one such occasion, and I assumed that this was only for bad reasons.

"Carl?" I whispered, worried by his lack of communication, and I found myself beginning to regret opening my stupid mouth.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked blatantly, turning to face me with eyes that were flooded by confusion and what only looked like hurt.

"Because..." I sighed, thinking to myself.

Why? Why didn't I tell him sooner?

"Because I guess I was... ashamed," I replied with a sigh of guilt, appalled as I finally blurted out the one weakness - the one human weakness - that had plagued and virtually ruined my last nine months.

"Riley," Carl smiled lovingly, "I've forgiven you more times than I can remember. You need to forgive yourself. We all me mistakes - we have to, otherwise there might as well be no difference between us and those things that are walking around out there."

Thank God...

I love how he is able to look past my sins and failures - if he couldn't, our relationship wouldn't have lasted very long at all. I love... I just love him - I love Carl in general. I couldn't have asked for anyone better in this screwed-up world. I love him so, so much.

I honestly didn't know what to do to physically show this love. Except for.. Well...

"Carl," I whispered to him, "I love you."

He turned to face me, having looked back down at the floor, when I leaned forward and pushed my lips onto his.

I didn't give him time to sit comfortably or anything like that - this was my gift to him.

As Carl reached over to place a hand on my back, I gently pushed him down so he now lay firmly on the bed, our lips still locked fiercely together.