Trust Issues

Chapter 13

Jonah never let go of my hand as we swam into our suite. I shut the door behind us with a trembling hand, then turned back to him. Neither of us spoke for a moment, the charged silence full of unsaid words between us.

I wanted to tell him what had happened with Waverly, but every time I tried, a choked sob came out instead. His eyes—those dark, expressive eyes that shone with love whenever we were together—searched my face and flicked down my body, noting my weary appearance and haggard expression.

When he spoke, fear choked his voice. "I couldn't find you. I thought—I feared—that you'd been taken from me. I wanted to go with your mother to look for you, but she told me to stay at the palace with your dad and brother in case you showed back up." His voice broke on the last word, my heart cracking at the sound. "I can't lose you."

I knew he had no idea of the impact his words would have on me, but before I could even open my mouth to respond, tears were streaming down my face. I crumpled, Jonah's solid and warm arms gripping my own and keeping me upright. It was as if a dam had broken inside my mind.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My chest was heaving, tears blurring my vision as I tried to voice the tangled emotions inside me. The one question I hadn't dared to consider formed in my head, filling me with dread and shame. Was Waverly right? Had I closed myself off solely because of the incident with Zander?

Or was there more to it? Some other reason—one I hadn't even let myself begin to contemplate? I shuddered, closing my eyes as tears streamed down my cheeks. "It was my fault," I mumbled, tears muffling my words. "I told her about—" I suddenly broke off, guilt, shame, and fear forming a ball in my gut.

He didn't know about the image that haunted my sleeping and waking thoughts. No one besides Waverly knew about it—the sole reason for our fight, the words I'd spat at her. Yet, every time I thought about it, guilt and shame smothered me until I gasped for water.

His warm, gentle hands reached to cup my face, and I leaned into his touch. "You can tell me anything," he said softly. "Whatever you say stays between us. I promise."

I knew his words were genuine—but that only made me cry harder. Jonah never pressed me, waiting until my tears finally slowed and I inhaled a shaky breath. "After everything that's happened, I've harbored so much guilt and grief over something so stupid—something that may not even happen. Yet, after Zander, I finally realized I can't live in fear anymore."

My voice wobbled but didn't break. "I love you so much I have to fight off panic attacks whenever we're apart. The fact that I let something as trivial as a nightmare dictate my life is one of my greatest indignities. He has taken something wonderful and twisted it into something horrible. I know we faced many obstacles to find each other—some that still haunt us today—yet I also know we would do anything for each other."

I was shaking now, enough so Jonah put his hands back on my arms to steady me, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles. "Waverly and I had a stupid argument a few weeks ago. She had confessed that every time she closed her eyes—and when awake as well—she saw the fear and panic in the mermaid's eyes and heard Zander's voice, forcing her to sing. He hadn't stuck around; according to her, he just gave the order and left."

My chest hitched as tears built behind my eyes. "We'd both started crying by then, and I'd whispered a broken apology, grief and shame coating every word. When Waverly had responded, her voice was small. She'd said that I needed to stop blaming myself, that she'd never blamed me. If anything, Waverly blamed herself. She said that she should have done something—anything—to escape once she had realized what was happening.

"But she didn't. She was frozen. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. All she remembered was Zander's smile. A shuddering sigh had escaped her lips as her body trembled. Cruel and filled with glee but tinged with insanity as well. She'd thought he was going to kill her."