Trust Issues

Chapter 16

I didn't sleep that night. Nor did I get out of bed the next day. Or the next. My body felt like stone, so much so that even the tiniest movement was challenging.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the dagger sink into Leith's neck—saw the light leave his eyes. Sometime during those initial hours after the attack, someone—most likely Mom—had replaced my blood-soaked dress with a fresh one. I didn't remember much after I regained consciousness following the attack.

I'd only heard Dad's whispered words, filled with such coldness, such anger. I think, deep down, some part of me had known Leith was dead the second the light had left his eyes—even if my brain hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. I didn't know where Calder had gone—hadn't seen him since right after... it happened. I wouldn't have been surprised to learn the Bronze Mermaid was closed until further notice. I shuddered as a trembling breath left my mouth, then slowly sat up, my arms quivering with the exertion.

When the knock sounded on the suite door, I hadn't moved before it opened. Every breath was a challenge, never mind speaking. A weight pressed down upon me, heavy as an anchor. My throat no longer felt hoarse from screaming and crying, but I knew that even if I did open my mouth, no words would come out.

As caramel hair flashed in my vision, blurred by tears, a sob shuddered through me. Laguna's eyes were red and glassy, so much so that I knew she'd been crying. She hesitantly approached me, hands fisted at her sides. "Calder reached out to us about Leith. I'm so sorry you had to witness that, sweetie. Waverly..." she trailed off, swallowing hard. I didn't press her—I could barely muster up the energy to hold her gaze.

"Waverly feels terrible about what happened between you two. After hearing the news about Leith, she wanted to see you but was afraid you wouldn't want to see her. I told her I would come instead."

I wasn't sure where the words came from, but suddenly, they were bubbling up inside me, waiting on my tongue. My voice was barely a whisper. "I don't blame her. Some part of me agrees with her. I've let something so trivial—something that may not even happen—poison my mind and break me."

The particulars of our fight came out in a rush, the harsh words on both sides burning me from the inside out. My cheeks flamed as heat built up inside me. I hated what had happened but, at the same time, wondered if we would ever speak again. Not having Waverly to talk to hurt more than being pierced by the sharpest dagger.

Laguna gasped at the words we'd spat at one another, the wounds we'd reopened. Her eyes filled with tears when I finished speaking. My eyes filled, tears spilling down my cheeks as I exhaled a ragged breath. I clenched my hands in the blankets, my chest heaving.

"I didn't mean any of what I said. If anything, I was talking about myself. I knew that Waverly had gone through trauma as terrible as my own—had wounds so deep they would never close. But hearing her tell me to keep living my life when she'd closed herself off and refused to speak to anyone? I felt like she'd punched me in the gut. When Jacob died, I did the same thing. I didn't speak to anyone—I had let my grief and shame consume me. I haven't gotten out of bed in days."

She put a hand on her heart as I finished. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, the tears spilling down her cheeks dripping onto her dress.

"Both of you have been through unimaginable pain—things I can't imagine. But despite that, neither of you have let it dull your light. You and Waverly are two of the strongest mermaids I've ever met. You will get through this, honey. It may take months, or it may take years. But I promise you, it will get better."

My voice broke as I spoke. "Being a Siren has brought me nothing but pain and misery. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I wish I could go back to before I heard the Siren Song when I was normal. But now that Zander's primary focus is on killing them—us? I feel this need to protect them. I won't let him hurt anyone else. Knowing I was responsible for Leith's death feels like someone reached inside my chest and tore out my heart.