Summer Royalty | Steve Harrington

3.09

♛

I've never felt claustrophobic in my life. I aways felt it be silly when someone says theyre claustrophobic. Like how, just breathe. But I get it. I get it now. You physically cannot breathe. It's as though I've been smoking, the air is so thin here. My hands are numb as I try to control my breathing in the corner of the room as everyone sleeps the night off.

Is it even night enough to sleep?

I shut my eyes and rub at my chest. It's fine, everything's so fine. Robin and Erica were sleeping soundly on the floor. I was on the floor, sitting on my jacket by Steve before I got up and started to freak out. Dustin and Andy had their heads against each other.

I feel a cold hand touch my shoulder and I'm pulled from the beginning of my overthinking session. I jump at the touch and aggressively turn around, noticing my brother with a small smile on his face.

"Are you okay?" Andy questions, his voice so soft as he speaks not daring to wake someone. I peek over his shoulder, and everyone's still sound asleep.

"Yeah. Just... can't breathe," I clear my throat and look at Andy. Whilst the room is slightly dark from our attempts at covering the light with boxes so we could sleep, I can still notice his bloodshot eyes. "Are you okay?"

His chin trembles as he starts to wipe his cheeks. Not a sound escapes him, and now my entire focus is on him. What the hell just happened?

"Andy!" I whisper, and grab his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. He sobs into my chest, slightly muffled from my hair draped over his head. "Why are you crying?"

Andy releases his tight grip and pulls away from my hug to wipe his tears away from his cheeks. He breathes in and out before sitting down in the corner of the elevator, the furthest possible from everyone.

I frown and sit down beside him. Our legs stretched out as we sit. I place one hand on his knee and give it a squeeze.

"Talk to me, please."

"I had a dream about mom," he brings his fingers to his teeth as he speaks, biting aggressively at them. I furrow my brows at his aggression but don't stop him. "She was so happy, we were hanging out at the park. It was so bright out. We just sat in the sun the whole time until I saw a swing. I begged her to push me. She sat on the one next to it instead, as I begged and begged for her to swing me but she didn't. She kept saying things like, 'you can do it yourself', 'you don't need me', 'you're going to be okay', but not in a harsh way..."

"In a motherly way?" He nods and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"It was so soft the way she spoke... so I listened to her. I swung myself, and she was so happy, cheering and laughing with me. 'You did it, Andy!' 'I told you, you could do it!' 'Now, trust your siblings too'." Andy doesn't say a word after this. He remains silent as he stops biting his nails. I wrap one arm around his shoulder and pull him gently to my side.

"She... mom knew something. She told me about it before she left, but I didn't want to listen to her words. I didn't care, I thought she was lying. She was just anything, she didn't actually care about me. There's no way she knew what she did. She... she knew before I did..." Andy brings his hands to each other and begins to fidget with them. He rolls his fingers within each other, and squeezes them.

What did she know? I want to ask him, but instead I just stay silent and just comfort him. I place my other hand over his own ones to stop the intense fidgeting.

"I always had an inkling, but I... never thought it true," he sighs. "And then what Hopper told me... that mom loved us... she still loved me. She didn't care. She accepted me. If mom can accept me, then why can't I accept myself? I would always question myself, my decisions, my feelings..."