sex, love or friendship

never alone

It was going to be a long, long night. Kevin had finally left my room, leaving me alone and in a bad mood. The rain and thunder was the soundtrack to my loneliness. I took the time to send a message to Maya to tell her what had just happened, as I was having trouble reaching her by phone. I really needed someone at the moment and she was the one I wanted. But she was probably busy having a good time with the others, and they were due back on Monday. So I would have to spend the whole of tomorrow alone.

I lay down on my bed and hugged my duvet to keep warm. My eyes were all wet from the tears I was desperately trying to hold back. My gaze was fixed on the window, looking out at the devastating rain that was washing everything away. If only it was able to take my sorrow with it as well. I should have known that this dismal weather could only be hiding bad news. But I'd thought of everything except that.

At a certain hour I finally managed to fall asleep, but I was plunged into dark thoughts that are hard to describe. It was a mixture of nightmare and reality. Yes, that's right, it must have been a nightmare. I couldn't get what had happened out of my mind. Everything kept coming back to me in my mind. It was as if my brain refused to forget.

In my dream, everything around me was sad, dark and dull, and I was in the middle of that darkness. The night seemed endless and I wondered if one day I would wake up. After all, why wake up? I didn't want to face this sad reality, spending the whole day alone, trying to smile for people outside while feeling empty inside. So, yes, I was going to spend the day snuggled up in my sheets, trying to dream up wonderful things. Because I didn't feel ready to face it all, at least not alone.

I was trying to keep my mind asleep when I heard a strange sound. It sounded like the opening of a door, followed by a woman's voice calling out my name several times. I could barely open my eyes or move to make sense of what was happening around me.

"Come on, Margo, wake up. Don't tell me you're dead?" The female voice said.

When I finally did open my eyes, I realised that it was Maya. She was sitting next to me on my bed, with Alex behind her. I felt relieved to see her, but I still wondered if I hadn't dreamed it all. I weakly raised my hand to touch Maya. I wanted to see if she was real.

"What are you doing here? You were supposed to be back tomorrow," I said in a weak, tired voice.

"Phew, you're alive and well," Maya said with relief. She ran her hand over my face, leaving a cold sensation on my skin, which made me realise that her hands were cold. "Look, you look so tired and your eyes are all puffy. Have you been crying all night?"

Honestly, I couldn't even remember when I'd gone to sleep. Everything that had happened the night before seemed so far away. But that wasn't the case for the pain that was still there in my heart.

I got up and sat down on my bed. Maya held my hand.

"I'm going to make you a cup of coffee in a minute," Alex offered.

"Why are you back so soon?" I asked.

"When I got your message, I told Alex about it and he immediately borrowed the car of one of his friends who was with us to drive us here," Maya explained.

"Did he really do that?" I said as I leaned over to look at Alex, who was in the kitchen making a cup of coffee. I couldn't imagine the journey they must have made. They'd probably driven all night to get here this morning, and that worried me, especially considering the rain that had been falling all night.

"You know, we really do care about you. That's why we thought you probably couldn't bear to stay alone all day," Maya added, smiling to comfort me.

***************************

I took the time to explain it to Maya again, but this time in more detail. Maya listened intently, wondering if it was all a nightmare.

"Wow, I don't know what to tell you, Margo," she said, squeezing my hand tighter. "I never had any expectation of such a drastic change in Kevin."

Alex returned with a cup of hot coffee in his hand, which he handed to me. "You know, a lot of people change when they come to university. It's often because of new friends, the environment and sometimes even loneliness. Maybe Kevin hasn't changed. Maybe he's just decided to be who he's always been."

What Alex was saying didn't seem all that wrong to me. But I couldn't help wondering what had happened when he arrived at university. It remained a mystery to me. I remember that I tried to talk to him about it, but he seemed to be so distraught that he could hardly look me in the eye. My mind went back to the previous evening and suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me and I began to wonder: had I been too hard on him? What if he'd come here because he needed my help? Had I done the right thing by breaking up with him in the way I had?

Maya left my bed to go and make herself a cup of coffee.

"Maybe the problem is me and not Kevin," I said, letting my thoughts out loud.

"What do you mean?" asked Alex.

"I mean... Maybe if we'd had sex earlier he wouldn't have turned gay. I think the problem lies with me, I acted more like a good mate to him than a real girlfriend, maybe he found me annoying and also yesterday I was so hard on him that I didn't let him explain things to me".

"What did you want him to explain?" said Maya loudly as she left the kitchen holding her coffee, "would you have liked him to explain how he slept with another guy when you weren't there?" In her words, I could hear anger and annoyance.

"Alex replied: "You don't have to be so hard on her, Maya.

"I'm sorry, but she needs to be told the truth," she said to Alex, "and you Margo, you'd better forget about Kevin. Don't call him, don't text him and don't feel guilty about it because you haven't done anything wrong. He's got a boyfriend now, hasn't he? Well, he'll just have to stay with him, and you'd better concentrate on yourself, because you and he are really over.

I lay back on my bed to absorb all the dry words Maya had just thrown in my face.

"I forgot to tell you that when I came in, I found this key on the floor in front of your door," Alex said.

I turned to see what it was, "oh, it's a spare key to Maya's room, Kevin spent the night there".

"I think you were too calm and nice with him. I'd have thrown everything I had at him. He's lucky I didn't bump into him on the way home." Maya said.

"And how did you open my door?

I had a copy of your keys with me," said Maya, "You should rest now, you're not alone, we'll look after you," said Maya.

"Yeah, I looked in your fridge and I noticed you don't have enough food, so I'll go and get you some," Alex suggested.

"Maya replied: "And I'll go and get some things because I'm planning to spend the night here.

Knowing that I could count on my friends in a situation like this warmed my heart. They made sure I never felt alone and I hope I never lose them.