TRUST & LIES || JENSOO

CHAPTER ~06

JENNIE'S POV;

It has been 4th January as the clocked passed 12.00 in the night. I don't know why It's a day where I can't even put myself in sleep though it has nothing to do with me. I stay awake all night or sometimes more than I can until I pass out.

Jisoo fell asleep beside me long ago. It's a day when it's rare to see her awake in usual. Even if we have exams the next day,we won't see her awake at night time of 4th. That's how she is terrified of this day.

Sometimes,I feel bad for her. Not because, for the things she faced, but because she was too young to handle those things alone. She was also a kid;a kid who should have enjoyed her life like others but the trauma she faced that day is still clear in her mind. Even though she admits that she doesn't remember those things.

Usually she sleeps after assuring that I am deep in sleep. I know it from before. She did the same today too but she doesn't know I might be awake just like other times. I just don't know why I don't feel sleepy in this day.

My mind wants to look after her in this day more than usual. My mind stays focused to notice each way if she's actually sleeping. My mind tells to grab her whenever she will have the same nightmare again or again she will have the recalled memories in her mind...

It's hard to explain because she isn't someone who will tell you that she is not ok. She doesn't even share until we find it from her moves. I know Eomma is still awake in her room. And,She must be worried about her too.

However,I looked at her for the last time before I stand up to have a glass of water as the jar was almost empty. I caressed her hair knowing she was asleep. Taking the blanket from beside,i put it slowly upper her so that she won't feel cold though I have put the AC at a normal level.

I looked again before I went to the door and slowly opened it. While I was out of door,the kitchen room was dark,as usual. But I don't love darkness so I put the light on and filled the jar. After done,I looked at the couch and it was empty. Usually Eomma and Appa stay awake at this day. Maybe,they are too tired to stay awake as I thought.

I was walking to our room thinking how can I pass the night without sleeping. I thought to have a coffee but I know if someone sees the coffee cup in the room,they will scare the hell out of me. So,I can't risk that . But I know I can pass it just by watching dramas or reading manga.

When I was at door,I slowly opened it so that I don't make her awake but the next I saw was something I know that could happen but still I didn't think it to be happened that time. It's usual for us even though we know how terrifying those nightmares have been for her.

She was sitting in the bed while her hands were on her head,eyes forcefully closed and her hands were shaking too. I felt so bad that time as I was out for just a few minutes. I shouldn't get away from the room,I should have been here. I immediately closed the door to go back and ask if she was alright.

When I closed the door,she looked at me in fear and when I looked back at her,the fear was transformed into relief. She was looking at me with the same guilt. I don't know why she feels so hopeless to ask for help.

I know I can count days if I start to count how many days I was actually a help for her while I know the moments will be down if I start to count how many days she helped me. There is no way I can tell because it's countless to know.

However,She looked at me again while I was pouring the water. I know she won't ask but still she will look for an answer from me.Sometimes that's how our communication goes without even asking. I said while giving her the glass,"I was down to fill the jar"

She took the glass but didn't drink anything while she was looking at the glass,"It's ok.." those 2 words can console you when you need but not when you know it's not actually the situation. She was trying to make me understand that she was ok while I can clearly understand that she wasn't.