Are you jealous?

chapter 15

"Why didn't you tell me he treated you like that?"

"Does it matter?"

Felix was helping his best friend, who was sitting cross-legged in front of him, dry his hair after he had forced pushed him inside the bathroom to wash up a bit.
He stopped crying, but the alcohol didn't seem like it left his body.

"It does matter, Jin, to me at least.

I wouldn't have let you stay with him if I knew.

To be honest, I only let you cause I saw how excited you are at the idea of having your first boyfriend, and I didn't think it'll go this far.

I wish I had done something."

Hyunjin chuckled lightly

It's just an airy laugh.

"I agree. I was so excited. I don't think I'm gonna count this one. Let's act like we never dated."

And oh god, Felix can feel his heart squeeze even more. Cause he knew that chuckle very well.

"Jinnie, he was the bastard, not you.

You don't have to beat yourself for it. You trusted him and opened the door for him to take such an important spot to you, but he didn't appreciate it.

So he's the sucker here, not you."

Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes. Enjoying the feeling of Felix's fingers touching his scalp.

"I like it when you call me that.

   Jinnie."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise -"

"No, Felix, really. I like it when you call me Jinnie. It feels....real, like you actually mean it.

I hate when others do it, I hated it when he called me that. It doesn't feel real."

"I'll make him pay for making you go through the pain of having to hear that name from his mouth all the time."

Hyunjin chuckled once again, this time a bit louder than the first.

"I mean, it's not his fault that that's the nickname my abusive homophobic mother gave me."

"Hyunjin- "

The boy turned around, so he'll be able to look at his best friend, taking Felix off guard.

They were closer than it should be.

It was normal for best friends to be this close, right?

Even when one of them is probably still drunk, right?

Hyunjin got on his knees, scooted even closer to Felix, and brought his hand to brush the boy's warm cheek.

"What are you doing?"

"I also like it when you call me baby."

Hyunjin said instead of answering his question.

"I love it when you call me darling, and when you give me nicknames.

  I don't like it when others do it, I didn't like it when he did it.

I also don't like it when you call me by name. It feels like you are scolding me.

I don't want you to get mad at me, Felix. I don't want you to leave me."

Felix cupped the boys cheeks with both of his hands, shaking his head, denying the statement.

"I would never! The only time I'd leave you is when I'll die, and I wouldn't even forgive myself for that."

If it was even possible, Hyunjin moved closer to the point where their foreheads were touching.
His eyes moved from Felix's own pair to his heart-shaped lips.

Felix was scared his friend heard the many beats his heart skipped in that brief second.

Hyunjin leaned even closer, his breath quickening.

"Don't -"

"Please."

It was normal for best friends to kiss, right?

It doesn't have to mean anything.

It was just a quick kiss, Hyunjin would pull away any second.

But he didn't, and Felix didn't let him.
Cause his hands moved around the boy's waist, keeping him close, as their lips worked against each other.

Deep inside, Felix knew he shouldn't be doing this.
He knew he shouldn't be falling for his best friend.
He knew he shouldn't be kissing the said best friend.
He knew he should pull away, especially since his friend was drunk.

So, with a bite to the boy's lip, bringing a whimper out of him, Felix forced himself to pull away.
It's just a bit so he can still be able to look at the boy.

"Hyun, this is wrong -"

"Why?"

Cause I love you, and now it'll be harder to stop myself from craving you.

That's what Felix wanted to say.

"You're drunk, baby. I shouldn't be kissing you right now."

And screw Hyunjin, cause Felix was sure he knew, he knew that if he cried, then Felix would stop everything and do whatever he wanted.

"Please, Lix."

"Hyun-"

"You said I'm the closest thing to love, right? You said I'm love to you, right?
  
    Then show me, show me cause I don't believe you, Felix.

     Show me that they are wrong and that I'm actually worth it."

He didn't have to say long cause not even a moment later, Felix had laid him on the bed. He was hovered on top of him as his hand bushed his face. Oh, so softly.

"I don't have to do anything for you to know that I meant every word I said, Jinnie.

   Can't you see it? Isn't it obvious?"

"No, cause you never tell me."

"And I don't have to, I'm being obvious enough, Hyunjin.

   If I tell you, you'll hate me.

And if I do anything right now, you'll hate me even more tomorrow.

And I don't think I can live without you, so please, let's go to sleep, yeah?"

Hyunjin wasn't sure what happened, but in a second, Felix had moved to lay beside him, covering the both of them with a thin blanket.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting you to sleep, Duh?"

It was funny how the mood suddenly changed.
But it's okay, Hyunjin liked this one, too.

He moved closer to his friend, snuggling closer, just like they always did when they slept together.

It was nothing new.

Hyunjin sighed.
He felt more at ease right now.
Maybe it's the alcohol that's making him more confused, but he didn't mind it, really.

"Lixie."

"Hmm?"

"Look at me."

The said boy opened his eyes, only for them to widen when his half sleeping half drunk friend placed yet another kiss on his lips.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jinnie."