War Machines

20

     I wasn't sure where I was, but it was chilly and damp. My throat hurt, and my shoulders ached. I was leaning against a cold brick wall, listening to the storm, hearing the thunder and the rain, and staring out through an open doorway. All that was left of the door was some broken hinges and bits of splintered wood. I could see very little in the dim light, but I could make out a rickety wooden staircase leading up from the door. When the lightning flashed again, it gleamed on metal. I saw metal pipes with a large metal valve wheel in front of me. My hands had been fastened to that wheel with the standard-issue handcuffs we all carried. These might even be mine. It never had made much sense to me. It's not like we were going to take any creeper prisoners, but the restraints were part of our kit, and we always had them in a pouch on our armor when we went into the field. I focused my attention on them, lifting my arms for a better look. Someone had taken great care, wrapping my wrists with strips of cloth. It kept the metal that confined me from digging into my wrists, but my arms still ached from being held up by the cuffs as I lay senseless against the wall.

     I tugged experimentally on the cuffs, hearing the clank of metal on metal. Something immediately stirred from just behind me. "J Alpha? You are awake?"

     Zeke's voice. The sound of it made me wince. I pulled harder on the cuffs. "Let me go." My voice was no more than a harsh whisper. The irony of how much I sounded like a Delta didn't escape me.

     "Yes, of course. I am sorry. I could not let you go until I was sure you were no longer being influenced. I could not take the chance that you would fight me, try to get to him, or bring him to us."

     As he spoke, he hurried forward, fumbling with the cuffs. A moment later, I was free. I let my arms fall limply at my sides, but otherwise, I stayed as I was. Somewhere water dripped. The cold of the brick wall was seeping into me through the light uniform shirt I wore. My armor was gone. The wounds I'd received in battle had all been tended to, bits of bandages plastered over my skin. I could feel the roughness of the bricks I was leaning against, the hard stone floor where I sat with my legs curled under me. There was a faint whisper of a breeze. It brought the scent of dampness and stale musty earth. Something was pressed against my lips, cool liquid flowing into my mouth as Zeke wordlessly urged me to drink. I drank, tasting the water from a canteen. Sight. Sound. Touch. Smell. Taste. My senses were all intact, but I could feel nothing. I was numb, my emotions utterly spent.

     And yet emotions were flooding me. Worry, hope, concern, pain, sadness, loss, and most of all, shame. They weren't my emotions. They were Zeke's. He'd slid behind me and pulled me into his arms, drawing me back between his legs to rest against his chest. I could feel everything from him, too battered and wounded to even try to shield myself. A taloned hand gently scratched my skin as it pushed my head back, tucking it under his chin. Then it moved to stroke my hair as he took a deep breath, let it out in a sigh. "I understand," he soothed. "Believe me, I understand. If I had only told them, if I had tried harder to warn them...?" He swallowed. "I told you that the Enhanced who taught me used his abilities to enhance his mind while I used mine to strengthen my body. But even I had not realized how powerful he had become. Even after Scranton, if I had only told the Border Guard about him instead of just taking matters into my own hands?" He paused for a moment. "When I think about it, especially when you are near, I do not understand exactly what I was thinking." His arms tightened around me. His face was turned so he could press his cheek against my forehead as he spoke. "I remember killing him. I distinctly recall my blades going through him, the blood splashing me, the lifeless body. And I remember thinking that no one needed to know. No one would believe me, and what difference would it make to tell others what had really happened at Scranton? Even when Matthews accused me, even when a good man was made to look like a fool, I said nothing. I do not understand that. I never questioned it, not until I shared energy with you that final night in the Terra Omega bunkhouse. That was the first time I really considered what I had done to Captain Matthews, the first time it really hit me that it was wrong." He paused. "Do you understand?"