War Machines

9

     My life became four walls, drop ships, and missions. At first, I tagged along with the Exterminators to the bars, but every time I did, my entire squad was on edge. Matthews spent the entire night glowering at everyone, never more than a few feet from my side at all times. And it was noticed. We'd encounter other Border Guard squads who'd known us from before, and without fail, they were bewildered by my Squad Leader's behavior. Of course, they had no idea what had happened. My original orders had never been rescinded, so I continued to pass myself off as a man. Eventually, rumors started to spread that Matthews had gone gay for me. Matthews responded predictably, and after the third brawl, I started to politely decline the trips to the local watering holes any time I knew another squad was in town. Eventually, I stopped going out altogether. Simply put, I was miserable. I kept up with my physical conditioning, of course, and performed my missions when I had them. But in between, I spent long hours lounging around, watching nothing on TV.

     Away from the bars, Matthews had changed his entire behavior toward me. The brash, bold, often abrasive squad leader I'd known was gone. Now, he seemed almost shy at times. After the day he'd ordered me restricted to base, he'd drawn back. I knew he felt bad about what he was doing, although he seemed in no way inclined to rescind his orders. But there was something more to it than just guilt. I remembered what he'd said about how he was being "closely monitored" by the Border Guard for anything inappropriate. But what, exactly, constituted "inappropriate?" Matthews seemed almost afraid to even glance in my direction when anyone else was around. I looked up the regulations regarding abuse by a commanding officer and winced at the penalties involved. Matthews could be reprimanded, lose rank, or even be kicked out of the Border Guard entirely if he was found guilty. It certainly explained a few things, but when I looked over the regs again, I saw nothing about reciprocating a clear interest by a subordinate. That meant if I made it obvious I was the one reaching out to him in a friendly manner and he simply responded, no one could accuse him of inappropriate behavior. Perfect.

     I went out of my way to talk to him, ask his opinion of things, or just shoot the bull as we'd always done. I sternly ignored the fact that anything at all was different. Gradually, my efforts drew him back. At first, he wouldn't touch me, but bit by bit, he started to draw closer. First, he stood next to me. Then he'd put a hand on my shoulder. Finally, he put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him after a joke I'd cracked made him laugh. When I immediately slipped an arm around his waist and leaned against him, his face lit up.

     The squad, of course, shamelessly egged him on, constantly making excuses to put us together for some reason or another. The only one who didn't actively participate in this was Olsen. I saw her watching us with a wistful smile on her face, but she didn't say a word. I wasn't sure what to make of that. Matthews, intent on me, never seemed to notice.

     While I wasn't actively looking for him, I did occasionally see features and news clips about Zeke. From what I could see, nothing about him had changed. He was still handsome, looking very human with his dark glasses, cape, and gloves. Women still swooned over him. He was still praised as a hero and credited with winning engagements that I knew damned well the Border Guard had done the lion's share of. But if the brass had approached him about me, I'd heard nothing, and he gave no outward sign of it. He still smiled and waved for the cameras and charmed world leaders and dignitaries. Zeke was praised as humanity's best hope, the World's Greatest Defender. Same old shit.

     I thought back to what he'd said, about how he'd been doing these PR bits as part of the agreement he'd made when he'd first crossed over. My squad hadn't talked much about the lies we'd been told by the Border Guard. The Exterminators, from what I could tell, were more upset about the potential plans for me than they were about the lies Zeke had exposed.