✨Spotlight Bud🌱: 2023/Summer Edition. (CLOSE❌)

-ˋˏ ༻The Dragon Mountain

Title: the dragon mountain

Author: @ice_girl5

Genre: Fantasy

Sub-genre: Action

Description: As you follow Ail Charleston through a journey trying to keep something fromher friends, but soon enough they Find out that there's dragons in the mountain, but little dothey know Ail knew about them all along.

Judge: @JoelleSC

Review:Kayla! There were... a lot of capitalization and punctuation/quotation errors. Do take note toreread through your chapter to correct any mistakes.There was quite the "author voice" in the writing of your first chapter which felt like a goodchange of pace for me in my reading routine. There was a personality there, quite nice foranyone who had drained themselves of reading through serious descriptions. Not gonna lie,it was smart of you to push in information or lore via "talking" to your reader audience (thatbit where "... well why don't I give an explanation." or "You must be asking ..."). There was apersonal interaction between author and reader unique to its own, and this "voice" is oftenrecognised in modern YA novels. It really did make your writing style pop.Speaking of lore, it was an interesting bit to include straight off the bat. It's concise, thoughas a personal preference I would elaborate more. Though the description still matched withyour "author voice", so I could only have mixed feelings about this. But because it didn'tderail from your writing style, it was still coherent.The issue though, is that you relied a bit too much on this. There was a sense ofnonchalance treating details as if they were mundane. What was needed to share thesedetails for the readers is to keep elaborating. The blue wings sprouting from the maincharacter for example; Give it some feeling, not just a shock of "Woah, okay!". Elaboratehow it might feel physically and how the character figured how to use it. Show more on thatconfusion instead of rounding it up as "yeah, this happened".While the writing style was charming at first, you'll need to strike a balance between conciseand elaborate; your descriptions remained dry without an essence required to really reel meinto what's truly happening in the story. Like, it was only allowing me to hear instead of listen.With such a writing style in your first chapter, it felt as though it should have been a prologue,and that the dialogue was rather redundant to include. It was only Chapter 2 onwards thatdid feel like a coherent story.But somehow, you seemed to lose the first chapter's "author voice" when it got to chaptertwo. Chapter two (or all of your chapters) displayed a lot of mistakes in capitalization andpunctuation. There was plenty of dialogue, it was pleasant. Until there was a whole bigscene of an avalanche and it just skipped right over to being A-okay. It was rushed and dry.You had cramped everything into one chapter. What would make this better is to elaborateand take your time on this. Write more about the avalanche, the feelings that the maincharacter might feel, and keep that suspense going and leave the rescue for the nextchapter.You have your story, you have your imagination and ideas and that's great! What you needto improve on is the PACING and DESCRIPTIONS. This seriously has a lot of potential to bea good Fantasy book.Overall, it was an alright book for a new writer. My best advice is to keep reading books anddo warm-up writing; challenge yourself to write a specific thing to the best of your ability