Tansy of the Wilds

Chapter Seventeen

The next day

Xer'tal hadn't slept well. He hadn't meant to snap at Tansy like he had. He had just been so... he refused to say jealous or possessive, he had been upset over the fact she had been speaking so highly over elves of all things. That added with his eyes on her hair, the wild waves that hung around her all golden and auburn from the firelight that he wanted to gather in his hands before he kissed her again and again until she was breathless and moaning. It just twisted all the feelings inside of him, it made him want to push her away. And then she had to go and tear it all apart with her words.

Why would I make it worse?

Why would I make this world worse when it costs me nothing to be kind?

He didn't have an answer to that besides the deep gnawing sensation in his stomach at the thought someone had made her feel like she didn't matter to the point she decided that she would never make someone feel as she did. There was strength in this world but the type of strength Tansy had could not be understated, it shouldn't be understated. The strength to be shown the parts of the world that beats you down and then you choose to be kind.

And then that insane woman had to tell him he mattered. She hadn't even hesitated either. She had looked at him and told him that he mattered. As if everything that he had done and would do didn't factor into the fact that she believed he mattered, that he had worth and value as a person to her.

Those thoughts kept him up most of the night as he rolled them around his head, trying to think them over, pull them apart. It was hard because she wasn't being two-faced, she wasn't lying, or trying to gain anything. She was being genuine and honest and that had a curl of something similar to shame rolling around in his belly. It was strong enough that in the morning, when she woke up, he had grunted out his apology and Tansy, the sweet woman made of sunshine, simply smiled at him and told him it was okay and she understood where he had been coming from.

And by the grace and will of the orc pantheon, that little human female didn't hold a grudge. She was back to chatting and rambling like nothing had even happened. He appreciated that, that she didn't hold his outburst against him. It made him feel bad, no doubt about it, that she was still so sweet when he had acted poorly when she had done nothing wrong, but he still appreciated that she didn't hold it against him.

They were on the eastern road, on the way back to her family's lumberyard. He hadn't spent much time going east so he wasn't aware of there being a lumberyard but lumber was a big export from the east. So it made sense that there would be one. They had passed Yarkin early in the morning and were now along a road more so than a path. Thankfully nothing had bothered them, no beats or bandits. Xer'tal appreciated that.

Xer'tal listened to Tansy's ramblings, her voice a serene backdrop to the steady crunch of gravel under their feet. Her stories, filled with mundane details of her life, had an odd sort of allure to him. They painted an intimate picture of Tansy and her world, each word adding a different piece to the mosaic he was building with every passing mile. It also made his stomach clench with an odd sort of longing. He had been a warrior for so long that he felt like he couldn't fathom life any other way yet... the way Tansy spoke of the mundane bits of her life made him wonder what it would be like to experience it for himself. What it would be like to wake up and see the world like her, to be there when she ate her breakfast, when she wrote missives to go off to foreign countries, to be there when she delighted in the small things of her life.

Which was a terrifying thought, the aching want for domesticity. He was an orc, he wasn't built for that. He was used to fighting, wars, battles, and blood. He had always snorted at the thought of all the cutthroats and personal guards who settled down, that those mundane wants were beyond him. Yet for some stupid reason he couldn't fathom, Xer'tal realized he kind of wanted that too. Not in general but specifically with Tansy, to watch her live her life in safety and comfort where she could delight in the world as safe as she could be and fill his life with all the words she wished.