Letting You In

Surgery - /15

With the knee, Nick temporarily moves back in with me. Monday morning Nick wants to go to class, but I urge him not to. Though it's the last week of classes and revision in class I great, Nick eventually agrees that it's not worth it. That at the moment his knee has priority and his classmate's notes will be enough.

A few times some of his teammate's come over. Check in on him, make sure he's not getting bored with just me around. They alternate with me bringing Nick to his daily check-ups as the swelling is going down. Tuesday, Nick and I bake a chocolate cake together, which the team is bumped about since they're diet prohibits them eating it. Thursday, Nick asks me to read to him. "From the book you're reading?" He shakes his head. "Read me the one you're reading." So, we spend the rest of the evening cuddled up in my bed, diving into the world of Eleanor & Park.

Friday is the toughest day. Doctor Callahan once again suggests surgery, this time saying directly that if Nick doesn't get it he won't be able to play again. After calling his parents, Nick decides to go for it, having the majority of the costs covered by his insurance by the Stars. But while he's making that decision, Nick's teammates get on the ice, warming up for the first game without him. The only comment Nick makes that evening about it is, "it fucking sucks. I absolutely fucking hate it", and then he opens Netflix, holds out his arm for me to lay against him and doesn't speak for the rest of the night.

Things move pretty quickly after the decision for the surgery is made. Together with the Stars and Bruins Nick finds the right surgeon, and By Monday afternoon Nick's done with the surgery. That's when the first complications start. Instead of being sent home on the same day, which is what the doctor's said is usually done, they want Nick to stay for the night. Though he's been refusing all week, Nick asks me to call his parents and ask them to fly to Boston. That's when I know things are going south. That, and Nick suddenly saying everything will be fine. When I sit by his bedside, asking what him staying meant, he smiled at me. "It means all will be fine, alright? They just wanna be extra careful, and make sure I'll be back in no time."

I try to smile at Nick, but it doesn't work.

"You don't have to worry about me", Nick says.

"But I fucking do, okay? I fucking care that you're staying a night even though you shouldn't, and I fucking worry about what that means for you future."

"Aria."

"No." I let go of his hand. "Don't tell me I shouldn't worry. I know you fucking worry, too! This isn't normal, Nick. This isn't how it's supposed to be."

"Don't you think I know that? Yes, this fucking worries me, alright? But it doesn't help being down about it. I'm getting the best care I could possibly get."

I snort and get up. I grab my hair, burry my hands in it. I shake my head looking at Nick. "Exactly that; now you suddenly start to be the optimistic one? You don't have to lie to me. This is fucking serious, I know that. Like", I let go of my hair and sit down again. "Please don't pretend things will be okay, alright? Don't do that for me. If you actually believe that fine, but we both know it isn't necessarily where things are headed."

Nick takes me hand. He squeezes it and smiles at me. "I'm not gonna lie to you, I promise. I'm just fucking sick of all of this. I just want things to work out."

I nod. "Alright."

"I'm just as worried as you, probably more, okay? But right now, like I made you call my parents, remember? I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't worried. If I wasn't scared, alright? I really wanna play again. Like that's all I want. I don't wanna talk about any what ifs."

"Yeah, I get that. It's just..." I can't find the words.

"It's frustrating. Believe me, I know. But the doctors still all said the surgery went fine. It's just cautionary. Nobody's talking about my none-existing career being over, alright?"