Promise Me | Noah Sebastian

Prologue

Author's Note:

I do not claim to know any of the characters written in this story other than the OC(s) of which I have created. This is entirely fiction based off of my endless imagination with hopes you might enjoy it as well.

Trigger Warning:

Talks of suicide and/or self-harm.

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Virginia summer rainstorms were notorious for bringing two things: humidity and a peace of mind for those of us who were pluviophiles. The rain was a type of cleanser that I didn't mind having in bulk, though some others would disagree with that notion, likely saying it was more of a hassle than anything. I disagree, but I was a pluviophile.

Sitting on the porch in the middle of a rainstorm was my pastime and maybe even like a lifeline of sorts depending on the situation. Right now, it was my lifeline. It was keeping me from freaking out, watching the thick curtain of water just outside the perimeter of the porch. The sky was dark even if it was mid-afternoon and I swear I could hear thunder somewhere in the distance even if there really wasn't. It was likely just my blood pounding in my ears after running like my life depended on it. In a way, it did.

I held my phone in my hand, looking down at the text I'd just sent to my best friend as water dripped to the wooden floorboards from my hair.

[Me]

It got bad again.

Not even a few seconds passed before the door opened revealing my scrawny friend, hair in disarray and falling out of its little bun. Throwing up a peace sign to him in greeting, my eyes went back to the water falling endlessly from the sky. The storm wasn't letting up and neither were my morbid thoughts.

He sat next to me, thigh touching mine even if I was soaking wet and he was wearing shorts. That was the thing about Noah; he never minded getting dirty if it meant helping someone in need. Sadly, he was always getting dirty when I was around because I always seemed to be in need. This only led me to another slew of thoughts that were better left buried somewhere.

We sat in silence, neither of us saying anything because what was there to say? We were seventeen and I already felt like my life was a joke. The one person who had been able to keep me grounded and to keep me going was Noah, even if I felt horrible about it every time he had to help.

No matter what I did, I was always getting in the way. That's how it was. Or at least what it always felt like. My parents were pretty decent people if you didn't count that my mom left when I was little and that my dad married a literal basket-case of a woman who absolutely despised me. Cinderella had nothing on me other than the God-awful stepsisters. Where I used to fit in, I no longer had the image of what the family wanted to portray.

"We need to dry you off," Noah commented gently, brown eyes looking at me as my eyes were still fixed on the storm. Sighing, he left and came back moments later with a towel, throwing it on my head to start drying my hair. "You're okay, Jess. Breathe a little."

But I wasn't okay, was I? The dark thoughts were back full force once again and I was left with teetering on a thin rope of what I thought I should do versus what I know I shouldn't. I'd been afraid to tell him I had been having these thoughts again; presumably I had been doing okay. That was the story, which was true till a point. My breathing was the calmest thing about me right now, and that should have been worrying. It felt like my heart and mind were finally aligning and telling me the decision I was hovering over was the best one out of the two.

I shook my head and closed my eyes before peering out from under the towel to Noah. My best friend, Noah, who had been with me since day one. Who had seen the good, bad, and ugly that was Jessica Moreno. The guy who had grown up and watched me transform into all kinds of versions of myself. The one who told me I could tell him anything at any given time. My rock, my anchor, my only other lifeline.

"I want out," I muttered under my breath, looking straight into his questioning eyes. The way they slanted just a smidge more than they normally did, brows furrowing at wondering what I was talking about.

"You'll be out soon, it's okay." He smiled that carefree smile of his, but it wasn't working on me right now. He wasn't getting it.

"No, you don't get it." Inhaling a deep breath, I thought of any other way I could say this without ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid. There really wasn't a better way.

"Then explain it to me, goof." He tucked his leg under him and faced me more head on, telling me I had his full attention. That stupid, pure smile of his was still plastered on his face and it was making it harder to tell him what all I was feeling. The Band-Aid had to come off.

"I wanna die, Noah." The whisper was nearly drowned out from the rain hitting the pavement a few feet away, but his smile dropped and his eyes grew with concern. He'd heard me regardless of my whisper. "I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I gotta say, I'm running out of reasons to keep going." I'd always had a knack for making anything serious or morbid light, like I wasn't breaking or that something didn't truly bother me. Sarcasm was usually my best friend when it came to any social gathering.

"You don't mean that," his head shook, hair falling out of his bun some more.

"I do, though. Noah, I'm so damn tired. Every day is a constant fight with myself on whether or not I'm just a waste of space. The most I have going for me are my grades and that's only because I don't want anyone to question me more than they need to. Because if something is off, someone has to ask."

"You're not a waste of space, Jess. You've never been that, least of all to me." His eyes were pleading with me as his words were spoken softly yet firm. "Promise me, that no matter where we are or what we're doing, you'll tell me when things get bad again. I will always come to you. Running, flying, it doesn't matter. You can't leave me when there's still so much more to life we haven't lived yet."

Swallowing, I could feel the tears in my eyes beginning to form. I think it was the first sign that I was beginning to actually feel again outside of the numb shell I had been encased in earlier. My breathing was getting shallower as I tried to process this new information, mulling over every scenario I could manage without frying my brain.

"You're not upset with me?" The question needed to be asked, but his pale arms grabbed for me and pulled me close.

"Why the hell would I be upset? Shit happens, Jess. What I would be upset with is losing my best friend, dummy. And that isn't going to happen because I sure as fuck am not going to allow it." I could feel his laughter, the warmth it held as my breath hitched in the back of my throat. "Promise me, Jess. No matter what, I'll be there."

Nodding silently against his chest, I let the tears finally fall along with the pouring rain. Noah was my lifeline, even if it wasn't healthy. Even if we didn't know what the future held for either one of us.

"Promise."