Business Not Pleasure

Chapter: 33 It's Okay To Cry

Dewayne (dangerous)

I sat on the couch feeling stressed out from the events of today. I waited for Janine to come up but instead she didn't.

I was tired but worried.

Which was shocking, because I never worried about another other female other then my baby girl and family.

But Paula grew on me and now I call myself caring for her.

Pass times we been living together she'll make me feel a way no other lady has. When ever she get possessive I smirk because I know she care.

We may have our little petty arguments and ups and downs, but at the end of the day our loyalty to one another is what over rules anything else.

I laid my head against the couch waiting for her to get home. It was 11 at night and I was getting tired.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment but that was short lived due to the jingle of keys.

I turned my head looking straight at the door as she stepped in.

She had a bat in her hand and an emotionless facial expression. I look to the bat that had a couple of dents in it.

"What did you do?" I ask as she stood there looking straight at me. Her eyes and blank face expression can appear intimidating to other people, but to me no.

I knew at this time that she needed some sort of comfort.

"I did a lot Dee." She say tensed up. "I went over there, and saw your sister." She said her voice low.

"And?"

She shook her head closing her eyes. I notice her grip on the bat tighten and her voice sounded strain the next words she spoke.

"Everybody just thinks I'm a fuckin joke," Her voice cracked at the end and I could see her eyes water, but she held them in. "Everybody fucks me over no matter what." She mumbled looking away. "I'm not satisfied."

"What you mean?"

"I bust his cars, I marked it and slashed his furniture...but I'm not satisfied." She say closing her eyes tightly. She opened them with sadness.

Damn...

"I'm so stressed out Dewayne," she say clenching her jaw. "I may not show it but it's all taking a toll on me." She stopped and looked around the quiet house. "I have issues but I keep up with myself just like I was raised. I stay strong just like I was taught, I show no fear just like I was told." She say closing her eyes "and I keep calm and to myself just like I coaxed."

She then opened her eyes darting them in my direction "but it's hurting me in the process. I stay strong for my kids sake, I stay strong for my family sake but how long will it take until I explode."

I look at her talk the whole time "I been going through so much shit when I was younger and it's a shame. I never really got to live the childhood that I wanted, and I never felt the love and affection I deserved."

"What I'm trying to say is," she say lowly as she look straight into my eyes "I'm tired of being the strong ine, I'm tired of trying to fall what I was told and let out some emotion, but I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" I ask sitting up watching her.

"That they'll use that against me. That moment of weakness. Just like your sister did..." she drifted off "but I stayed strong."

"I don't love Rolland, I'm not in love with Rolland, but the revelation made me want to hurt him. The secrets he hid and how naive I was. I was so stupid and blind!"