I'm not scared of love
I'm just scared of being hurt by love again, because my heart is as soft as your voice when you talk to me- how angelic you sound...
I know I shut myself down a lot when talking to you, but trust me there's nothing wrong that you did it's just my insecurities oozing out of me like a popped sore, gashing into old wounds that I refuse for anyone to see.
I do love you but I am not allowing myself to show you how much
because you might leave me.
I am AFRAID that you might leave me that's why I hold on to your hand a bit too tight sometimes - I wish to hold your hand until you hear my pulse recite the love letters I wrote for you kept at the apex of my heart.
I want to receive your love without any doubts
but you are beautiful...your beauty is a trigger...! It makes me shiver , it's a resemblance of what broke my heart
I.. I am not used to being wanted for my heart, I am used to being used.
so even if you say you love me, it will take a lot for me to believe you
To be honest with you I don't even know what love looks like but I do know I have it in my heart and it has been misused so many times that I am afraid you might not receive enough
I know this might hurt
as if you'll ever read it
but it's the truth
Maybe the truth is I am in love with you, I just don't know if I'm ready...
I immediately started writing this letter after our first date in March 2023, and now it's July
I've fallen deeper, crazier but still uncertain
still not convinced that you also won't disappoint me or let me down
I know you love me because you still take me back no matter how many times I run away from your love...
You just respect me too much, and I don't know how to receive that
that's the main reason why I cause unnecessary fights
I always want to see if you'll break your character but you don't
You never do, you speak to me like I'm important to you.
You're everything I've always wanted
I'm sorry you found me as a mess, but I'm working on it
I don't want to lose you.
