Love You Goodbye - Harry Styles (Fanfic)

~Harry~ (35)

"I do trust you." I replied slowly my gaze still on the floor as I felt the guilt and shame settling in,
"Then why are you acting like this?"
"I don't know. I don't want to loose you."
"But don't you see how you are pushing me away?"
I ran my hand over my face and could feel my eyes watering,
"I don't blame you if you never want to see me again."
"That's not how I feel Harry. I want this. I want you." She brushed her hand slightly over my cheek forcing me to look into her eyes. Sometimes I hadn't the way they made me melt.
"I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to be with anybody else. I want you."
"Leslie." I said her name with desperation as my eyes flickered from hers and down to her lips, "But we need to take a break."
"How much farther apart can we get?"
"I mean all together until we both know exactly what we want."
My mouth felt dry as I spoke,
"You know I want you. More than anything."
"Okay. Then this won't be hard. We can't force this like we did before Harry. That's when everything starts going wrong."
My gaze shifted on the floor again before looking out the window behind her,
"I told myself I wouldn't ever loose you again."
"And your not. Look at me."
My eyes shifted to hers, "I'm right here and I will still be here but I think we need some time and space."
"I don't want anymore space. I want to be with you."
"Harry you can't be with me if you are paranoid that you are going to lose me. It's self-destructive."
I shook my head from side to side before sitting down on the couch,
"No matter how hard I try I always fuck shit up."
"No." She said calmly while sitting next to me,
"Thats not true." She wrapped both her arms around my bicep and leaned her head against my shoulder, "You worry to much and I hate the fact I am the one making you feel this scared and anxious."
"It be worse if you weren't here. I can't seem to live with or without you." She smiled warmly and I felt as if I was going to burst. The tension in me kept rising. I felt her fingers playing with my hair as she leaned in to kiss my cheek. She peppered a few light kisses across my jawline as I slowly turned my head capturing her lips with my own,
"Your really going to make me let this go."
She smirked slightly, "I think you will survive." She kissed me again. My tongue brushing lightly against her, "Don't bet on it." I mumbled lightly.
She chuckled lightly as I put my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me,
"What time is your flight in the morning?"
She sighed lightly, "I leave at 7 for NYC doing two photoshoots there and I have an interview with Vogue."
"How long will you be there?"
"Probably a few weeks. My next runaway show is there also but that's not until next month."
"Can I ask one thing?"
She tilted her head up at me, "Yeah."
"Stay the night with me."
She gave me a skeptical look and I smiled,
"I don't mean if it like it but if I am not going to see you for while, can you stay with me one last night?"
She looked over at the clock on the wall, "If you think I'm riding all the way back to your apartment at midnight you are crazy." I smirked lightly and she smiled, "But I guess since it's late and you drove out all this way; you can spend the night here."
I smiled warmly as she got off the couch,
"Now I don't know about you but I'm exhausted and this dress isn't as comfortable as it looks."
I smiled running my hand over my mouth, "Need some help getting out of it?"
She glared at me lightly which caused me to chuckle.
I waited until she came out of the bathroom she was wearing a simple black tank and fitted shorts. She pointed at me,
"If you try anything I'm kicking you out."
I smiled and let my eyes graze up and down her figure,
"My eyes are up here Styles."
"I know I'm just taking in the view."
She rolls her eyes and playfully shoved me in the chest. As we laid down she moved closer to me than I expected her too. She rested her head on my chest like normal. Like everything was alright but I knew it wasn't. Tomorrow she would be gone and I wouldn't see or hear from her for however ever long it would be. Weeks, months, she said it wouldn't be forever and I wanted to believe her. It didn't matter though anytime away from her felt like an eternity.
_____________________________________
I woke up alone and spent a few minutes gazing over her side of the bed. The smell of her perfume still faintly radiated off the sheets. I can still recall how she looked and felt. Her body positioned perfectly next to mine. This was going to be a long recovery process. I flew back home to London where I began to work on my album. I invited my friend Mitch and the rest of the team over. We got together going over the different ideas I had. After two hours we didn't have much and I found myself alone starring at a bottle of Tequila as I scrolled through her pictures on my phone. I starred at her pictures a few lines started to run through my head