Love You Goodbye - Harry Styles (Fanfic)

~Leslie~ (28)

I stared out the window painfully waiting until we arrived back at my apartment. I pressed my hands together in order to prevent them from shaking as I tried my best to hold back the tears forming in my eyes but it wasn't working. Every few often a tear would drip down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and continued looking out the window. I couldn't look at him. Think about him or what we had just done. My mind was running a mile a minute and I felt myself overwhelmed with emotions yet I felt entirely numb and blank to everything around me. I didn't look back at him when we reached the apartment. The moment my eyes set on my door I began crying again. I cupped my hand over my mouth and jerked open the car door and raced up my steps. I pushed open the door and slammed it firmly behind me. Leaning my back against the door I slowly slipped to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably and I didn't really know it why. It was one of those feelings where everything felt wrong and terrible even though it really wasn't. I continued crying and gasping for air as an attempt to calm myself down. It's been a while since I had one of these attacks. For a while second I have been thinking they were permanently gone but guess I was wrong. It makes since though there really is no cure for anxiety. After a few minutes of breathing I fumbled with my phone and made the decision to call someone I hadn't spoken too in such a long while. My father. I clicked on the number and prayed he would answer. He hardly did but I really needed him. I really needed to get away.

"Daddy?" I asked a solemnly when I heard a curious voice come on the other end of the line.
"It's Leslie. I know this unexpected but I was wondering if you were still in Switzerland."
I was trying to ignore his obvious gruff and bothered tone.
"I wanted to know because I was thinking of coming to see you." I paused for a few seconds holding back more tears as he responded, "I don't mind if Liz is there."
Liz was his 27 year old girlfriend . He had been through four of them since divorcing my mom when I was just 11. In his defense my mother was a difficult woman. Raging alcoholic at times, chainsmoker, and had been cheating on him for years. I took a deep breath as I heard the mumbles of a feminine voice and suddenly he sounded agitated,
"Well I am sorry I interrupted your dinner, I just...I just needed to talk to you and I really want to see you. It's been so long you said...you said you were going to visit." I couldn't help the way my voice cracked at the end.
"No I'm not trying to make her feel guilty and I know that's what Liz thinks....No I'm not blaming her either. I never said I didn't like her dad." I cupped my hand over my mouth in order to hold back a sob, "Can I just come please? Even for a day or two?" I shook my head back and forth at his denial, "Please. Please. I promise I won't ask again Dad please." And the call was suddenly ended. Now my only chance was my mother and I already knew what that outcome would be. My mother may not know much about me but I know a lot about her. The first being to never call her on cell. It's pointless always try her office first. If she isn't there then you are just out of luck. I called the office number and listened as her secretary answered,
"Hi yes is Anita Warren in?" I took a slow gulp as the secretary asked my identity,
"This is her daughter... Leslie." The line was quite a few moments before the person returned,
"No it's okay...I don't need to leave a message. Thanks anyways." I pressed the end call button and let my phone slowly slip to the floor next to me. My face fell into my knees as I began to sob harder and harder a sudden ding from my phone forcing me to look up after a few minutes. Through blurry tears I saw a memories notification's from my Instagram. I don't know why I clicked on it. It was the memories that I wanted to detach from my mind and burn. I saw a few photos pop up from the year 2015. I scrolled through the randomness of some of my first shoots and advertisements that I did. I took a sharp breath when I saw the last photo. It was a picture of Harry and I back when everything seemed perfect where as now it was all falling apart. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I forced a smile to my lips. Why was this so hard for me? Why was it impossible for people to stay? Why couldn't I just be happy? I closed the app out quickly as I pulled myself off of my floor and fell asleep with tears still streaming down my cheeks.
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I woke up feeling numb and groggy. My brows furrowing together as I rolled over and reached for my phone off the coffee table. It was 10am. I hardly ever slept in this late. No missed calls or texts and when I opened my phone I saw Instagram was still open. I thought I had closed it. My eyes fell onto the familiar photo. I couldn't cry anymore and I didn't feel like smiling I didn't feel like much of anything really. I didn't even want to move. I scrolled aimlessly through some other pictures and memories before ultimately closing my phone again. My eyes fluttered back shut and I didn't how long it was that I continued to sleep. My body was resting but my mind was vividly awake playing countless memories and moments throughout the years in my head. With one distinct image in my mind....Harry. I heard a loud knock on my door and suddenly I was jolted from my trance. I sat up slowly. My head pounding which was a clear sign to me that I was dehydrated. I rolled myself of my couch and drugged my way to the kitchen where I filled a glass of water and gulped it down quickly. Another knock came as I was filling the glass up a second time. Okay okay. I thought to myself and let out a slow sigh before shuffling to my door. When I opened it I saw no one. Nothing but a bouquet if white tulips with vibrant green stems and a rolled up piece of paper bound together with a burgundy ribbon. I picked up both items and looked around curiously before taking them inside. I sat the flowers on my kitchen counter and slowly began to unroll the paper. I recognized the hand writing immediately,