"You refused me again, Rose!" I heard my mother complain while we are in a video call right now.
"I have full scheds, mom. I can't take another contract this year." I reasoned out.
"I am your mother! Do something about it!"
"I just can't, mom. I'm sorry."
Well honestly, the main reason was, I don't want to go back to the Philippines anymore. I don't think there will be an enough, valid reason for me to go back. I don't want to remember things I already forgotten. Beside, I hated there. I hated the people. I hated all of their beliefs and set standards. The society is so fucked up. I don't feel free to live my own life there. I don't feel safe. People will always have something to say. So I'm better off there. I am contented with what life I have now. And I find contentment and happiness from different countries I visited at.
"Now, you're bragging!"
"I am not, mommy."
"You're so full of yourself now!" she added. "Just because you're so popular and famous internationally, that you don't want to have a contract with my own agency? If you didn't get slim and became trying hard perfect, do you think, you'll get the spotlight you currently have now? You won't!"
Oh my god. This is my mother telling me all of these. How can she say those things? Can't she be just happy and proud of me instead?
"It's not like that, mom. Please..." I patiently told her and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Whatever!" And she quickly ended the video call out of anger.
She did not let me talk. I just let out a deep sigh and closed my MacBook.
My mother has never changed. I thought she did, the way she calls and asks about me some times. But then, I know that she's only doing that purposely because she wants something. She wants to get me and use me. Sa ilang taon kong kilala at sikat sa industriyang kinabibilangan ko ngayon ay hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na siyang sumubok na kunin ako at magtrabaho sa kanya. She would call and bombarded me emails. Or she would even personally meet and visit me whenever I wasn't answering her messages. Iilang beses ko lang din siya hinahayaang makita at makausap ako dahil madalas na nasa iba-iba akong bansa.
I couldn't feel happiness by her efforts. Mas nananaig lang ang mabigat na nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nakakaharap ko siya. I've already had enough with my father before, doing everything he wanted. And now, mommy. This is more worse.
If our relationship was just that good, I would be willing to let her have me. But then, I learned my lesson and not that young anymore to let them control me again and do what pleases them.
I was so full of love before and I had so much of it to give. I used to give and offer all my love to them. To Elij...
But what they did do? They used me. Manipulated me. Betrayed me. Played me. They fucked my life so hard. I was stupid.
After all those certain situations, I just don’t feel the same about certain people anymore. I know better now.
"Miss Zee, where's your partner for tonight?"
"Please, look over here, Miss Zee!"
"Who designed your gown? You looks stunning in your own pink rose color as ever!"
"Is it true that Victoria's Secret is now courting you?"
"How about Ralph Lauren? Your previous campaign for fragrances holiday is still a craze on internet!"
"Miss Zee, are you going to renew your contract to Dior this year?"
I didn't answer any of their questions and just smiled at the camera as they flashed on me. They still managed to recognize me with my mask. I maintained my poise and showcase my sparkling pink rose long gown full of tiny crystals. A furry sweetheart neckline, and has long slits in every sides, showcasing my long legs.
