Lizzie And Mac

Chapter 22

Sometimes Personal Growth Hurts And Just F-Ing Sucks

Mac

Ok, I've been a dad for over a year.  I feel like I'm in control now, I kind of know what I'm doing, and I'm doing a pretty damn good job.  My son is healthy, in fact he's a fuckin huge ass monster, so there's that, he's happy, he's thriving in day care, he's crawling and climbing, banging blocks together and trying to eat toy trains, I have to say he's definitely at the top of the toddler food chain.  I'm also dealing with the shit that comes with parenting, we've had a few stomach flus, which FYI, sucks, poor little guy had puke going out one end, and shit flying out the other, it was not a good time for either of us, but we got through it, we've gotten over every hurdle.  So now, I'm feeling like it's time for us to move out of dads house, and get an apartment for the two of us.  Having dad as an on site back up got me to where I am today, and now I'm ready to take my monster baby bird and fly out of the nest.  I'm also pretty sure dad will have a giant ass party the moment the door hits me in the ass.

I found a place for us thats got a good rent, a tiny as fuck back yard, but it's across the street from a big park, so thats awesome, my little dude love slides and swings, so fuck yeah to the park.  I'm also ready to sleep in my own room.  Half the time I sleep on the couch at dads, so I don't wake up Lach while he's sleeping, I'm ready to get off the couch and sleep in a real bed every night.

The new place has two bedrooms, one is bigger than the other, the big one is gonna be perfect to get Lachs crib and toys in one place, plus there's lots of room for activities.  The smaller room is fine for me, I don't need anything big, it's just me in there, so I just need space for the biggest fucking king sized bed I can find.  The living room and kitchen are fine, nothing special, the appliances are newish, and the place is clean.  I never really thought about how clean a house was till I watched my son, crawl and suck on the baseboards in the bathroom, fuckin gross.  

Kat is helping me get some of the shit I need for the house, she brought over some dishes and pans, and she's giving me the old couch and chairs from the family room.  Stone says she's thrilled to get new junk for their house, so all I can say is thank you!  I hit up Ikea for the rest of the crap, but I'm sure there's a shit load that I don't know I'll need.

One thing I'm doing myself though, is decorating Lachs bedroom.  I want it to be restful, the books say the space where he sleeps needs to be calm, so I'm gonna buy a calm paint color, whatever the fuck that is, I'll find it.  I'm also gonna put some nice pictures on the walls, so he can get creative and grow his brain.  I'll put some car and motorcycle pics up of course, but I'm also gonna put up some cute animals, like bunnies and bears, and if my boy wants dolls and barbies on the walls and toy shelves, then that's what I'm gonna give him, because I want my boy to be happy.  I may be a dumb, macho, biker cliche, but I'm not fuckin ignorant.  The Lach monster can play with whatever the fuck toys he wants to play with.

Our lives are moving forward, work is good, family is good, club is good, friends are good.  Only thing that isn't good, is my personal life, because, hell,  there isn't one.  I haven't wanted to really have one since Lach came, I mean, if Lizzie knocked on the door and told me she was ready for me, then fuck yeah, I'd be in a relationship.  But I don't see that happening anytime soon, and until it does, I'm good just being with my Lach, the club, and my right hand.

I've had more than enough offers to break up the loneliness, but fuck if I'm interested.  I know I was a shitty guy before, and I don't want to be that guy again, and what am I gonna do, take Lach to the club and let him see me with different girls every night, and then he sees the same girls with all the other guys?  Thats not what I want him to learn about relationships.  He sees Stone and Kat, Steffi and Slater, and thats good, that's what I want him to learn.  I don't want him seeing different women at the breakfast table every weekend, when you're a little dude that can be confusing as fuck, believe me I know, cuz that's the shit I saw.  Dad and I have talked about it, he did his best then, and now he says he'd do things different, that's good info he gave me, and I sure as fuck listened to it.