The Survivors

"Happy" birthday

Clara's point of view;
29th of January, 1522
It's my 18th birthday and I should be very happy and excited for becoming and adult now but I am everything but that.
Today it is the third birthday without mom. I miss her so much. Everything has changed so much since she died.
Father is drinking all the time and it is getting worse. I think without Sunny he would be dead by now. Sunny still is fathers all-time-favorite. She always was, but now even more. I cannot say I am not okay with that, I really am. She keeps him from hating me more then he already does!

"Happy birthday, Clara", followed by a loud knocking on my door was what I heard.
I closed my diary and went to my door to see who it was, but I only saw a present laying on the floor. I grabbed it and went back inside. It was from Sunny. I saw the card Sunny packed by,
I got Maribel ready and she is waiting in the backyard for you.
So I closed the door and went out of my window, so father would not see that I was leaving. I ran through the garden to my horse and rode away into the woods like I did everyday.

When I ride my horse I forget all of my problems and everything that's going on in my life.
That's the only time I can be happy for a little while.
After a few hours I always took a break, tied my horse to a tree and put the blanket on the grass to take a little nap on it. Sometimes when I forgot to write into my diary in the morning I would do it there. But on that day I was so tired, that I just fell asleep.
And as soon, I sleep, nightmares began haunting me every time and when I tried to talk to father about it, he always said I should stop acting like a child and get over it. But you could not tell either that he sleeps well. I think his nightmares were worse, otherwise he would not drink that much. He was so disappointed in so many ways about me. One of the reasons was, for example, the fact that I am eighteen years old now and still do not have a husband. He also said I always remind him about mother because of the way I act and because of my looks. So he wanted to see me as little as possible, thus I stayed in my room all the time. But he was not aware that I always left my room without his permission.
If he would find out, he will get very mad.

Sunny on the other hand was his favorite because she was more like him, stronger, looked less like our mother and more like our father and she did everything in his favor.
I had to leave soon. But like i said i was so tired that day, that I fell asleep. I dreamt about mother. She was awaiting me in our kitchen. She baked me a cake with my name on it for my birthday. She looked at me with her dark brown eyes and smiled.
"I am so proud of you" she said. I had tears in my eyes and smiled. I looked at her, standing in front of me with her favorite dress. It was in her favorite colors, brown and rosé. Oh, how I miss her and how much I wish she was still here.
"Hello?" I heard from somewhere far away. I looked at mother but her mouth was closed she just kept smiling at me and I smiled back, so I forgot what happened.
"Sorry to..." the voice was so far away that I could not hear those words clearly and I wondered. So I looked around to see where it could possibly come from and realized no one else was there, who could have said that. I remembered that I was dreaming, at that moment I lost my smile. There were only tears left.
"Excuse me, miss" were the next words I heard but this time more clearly. I had to wake up, to see who it was. But I did not want to wake up. I wanted to stay there in that kitchen with mother. It was the first good dream I had in a while. The other ones were just about how I found out that she died and her funeral went so they weren't good at all.
"Is this your horse?" that person, whoever it was kept talking to me.
"I found her."
I was still looking at mother. But with every word I heard from that other person, mother faded away a bit more. Until I officially woke up to see that person who was talking to me. I still had tears from that dream in my face.
"Are you okay?" she was asking me.
"Yes" was the first thing I said to her with a broken voice and then I looked at her. She had the same dark brown eyes like mother and I smiled, because they reminded me of her, for a few seconds. She looked back at me and smirked nicely.
"Your horse must have gotten loose and she ran right into my direction, so I followed her and then I found you laying here."
"Yeah, I..I fell asleep" I said and smiled shortly again.
"Must have been a good one!" she smirked.
"The best I ever had" was what I answered with a sad voice.
"Then why those tears?" she worried about me while she tied up my horse again and also hers. Then she sat down next to me on the blanket, because she was ready to listen to me. So I was telling her about my whole story and about my dream. I did not even blink, I just told her everything without thinking about if I was doing the right thing or not. I just was so happy that I could talk to someone who was listening to everything I had to say. After a few hours I noticed the sun was going down and I was shocked. I did not expect that it was already going dark. I stood up and said, "I totally forgot the time."
I put the blanket back and packed it to my horse. I tied her off the tree. And then I got back on the horse.
"I am sorry, I have to go now" I said. She laughed briefly and nodded. I looked at her one last time, a relieved "Thank you" was the last thing I said to her that day and then I rode away back home.

That's where father was waiting and the stables. Once I saw him I knew that I was screwed and he was going to punish me really hard for it.
And so he did, after the maid took my horse he grabbed me and pulled me into my room, which door he broke as soon he realized I was not in there earlier.
"Where were you?" he said with an very angry voice.
Before I could say something back, he hit me.
"How dare you to sneak out of my house without saying a word and then coming back that late!" he complained by yelling at me. While he was yelling at me, I smelled from his breath that he was drunk again. Of course he was, I mean what did I expect?
"You foolish stupid child, why can't you just do once what I say? Why are you such an disappointment to me?" He said it again, and it did not surprise me at all, not anymore. Now he was getting closer and stared at my eyes. That was the moment when he used to hit me again but with a nice manipulating voice sometimes he even stroke me so that I feel sorry for what I've done. But every time he did that, the less I felt sorry for it. Even though he was my father I hated him so much. So I looked back at him with my very cold eyes and said nothing.
"Give me my rum" were the last words he said without caring a bit and then he went off to the kitchen.