BRAT TAMER | jungkook ✔️

interlude: jimin

  

  

INTERLUDE: JIMIN

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♠︎ JIMIN

Park Jimin had never struggled to sleep.

He prided himself, in fact, on being able to sleep anywhere. On planes, tour buses, trains, cars, and in any chair; though he often fell out of them when he did. When he was disappointed in himself - for not giving 100% in a performance, or making a mistake, or waking up too late - he stayed at the practice room until the early hours, and slept on the hard laminated floors.

Park Jimin found that sleep came to him very easily. So this week of virtual insomnia had been highly unusual indeed.

Tonight, at least, he could pretend that his lack of sleep was down to some reason other than the dark, feline eyes of his hyung that seemed burned into his eyelids whenever he closed them. Tonight, he could act as if that weren't the reason at all, as if Yoongi's refusal to accept that Jimin felt something for him hadn't opened a wound in his heart that left him sleepless and exhausted. 

No. That wasn't the reason he was awake - at least not tonight.

Because his room was right next to Jungkook's, on the other side from Namjoon's, and right now, it sounded like you were being tortured - in the best possible way.

Jimin sighed as he heard you give another yelp of pleasure, heard Jungkook's soothing tone of praise follow it. His own sexual forays with Jungkook been loud, but they rarely sounded that intense - so he could only imagine that you were being punished for something or the other. You were so loud that Jimin nearly called in help to check you were alright - but resolved that at least it sounded like you were enjoying yourself in there. 

And besides, Jungkook would take care of you, there was no doubt about that. Jungkook always took care of the people he loved.

Jimin huffed and rolled over onto his side, and thought about how Jungkook had tried to help him talk about his feelings on their hike earlier that day. Jimin had dodged the question - still, his instincts were to shut down any discussions about his emotions, as he always did - but he appreciated Jungkook's efforts nonetheless. 

Perhaps Jungkook had it right, anyway. Perhaps Jimin should try to be more open about how he felt. After all, it was hiding his feelings away that got him into this mess in the first place.

Shivering a little - though the balmy night was by no means cold - he took a pillow from under his head, hugging it tightly to his chest instead. He had been cold in bed every night this week, with the absence of Yoongi's chest beneath him, the body warmth he'd grown so accustomed to after their activities in the sheets. Jimin had never wanted someone to stay with him after sex so much before.

He squeezed the pillow, recognising that Yoongi was right not to be here. It was, after all, his own fault that he was alone.

It was Yoongi who had been brave, and told Jimin what he wanted from him - that he wanted to be more than friends. Jimin had been the cowardly one, who pushed him away and insisted on keeping it casual.

He hated the idea that Yoongi thought this was because he didn't feel anything for him, when the truth was, he felt for Yoongi far too much. 

Jungkook was right to think that Jimin was not a talker. For all his charms, he did not display his emotions openly; in fact, he often hid them behind a sly wink or a cheeky smile. It was much easier than being open, which he had for so long associated with vulnerability. 

It sort of came with the job he had chosen. Park Jimin was expected to be perfect, and anything less than perfect was failure.

So why couldn't Yoongi accept this? Jimin remembered when Yoongi had come to him a few days ago and said the words that had crushed him beyond belief. I don't think we should do this anymore. Jimin had pleaded with him for an hour, used every argument, every word, every persuasion he could possibly think of, but it was no use. The words bounced off Yoongi like bullets off impenetrable armour.

It came down to this - Yoongi wanted something from Jimin that he knew Jimin wasn't ready to give.

A relationship. Jimin remembered with a sick feeling in his stomach, how he had spat that word back out in Yoongi's face in bed. The way Yoongi's eyes had dulled a little to hear him say it with such disgust.

And yet now, Jimin couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted it.

Something had changed forever between him and Yoongi on this island. For the first time in his life, Jimin had found someone that he didn't want to let go of after he woke up the next morning. 

But there was no use telling Yoongi this. He had returned to Yoongi the next day, to tell him he had changed his mind. He was ready; he wanted to be with him, really be with him. But the light had long since left Yoongi's gaze, and Jimin realised he could scream it at Yoongi for all he cared. Yoongi didn't believe him.

He couldn't blame him. Yoongi clearly didn't want to be the one left in the dust if Jimin changed his mind again, and Jimin could understand that.

Jimin rolled onto his back and gazed up at the ceiling. The sounds next door had died down a little, and he found his mind wandering back to Jungkook once more. About how his youngest friend had found a woman he clearly didn't want to let go of too, and was trying to show her exactly that. Jimin remembered that Jungkook always showed his affection not through words, but through acts of love.

It hit Jimin suddenly that Jungkook inviting him on that hike earlier hadn't been a mere coincidence. He was doing it to get Jimin out of the house, to make him feel better. The invitation had been Jungkook's own act of love for Jimin.

It made Jimin's heart ache a little in appreciation for his friend. Jungkook found it so much easier to be open about how he felt - and where Jimin saw it as a mark of the vulnerable, Jungkook wore it as a sign of strength.

Maybe Jimin was older, but he realised that Jungkook was wiser in this regard. If words wouldn't show Yoongi how he felt about him, then perhaps actions would.

So Park Jimin - who had never struggled to sleep - gave up on sleep for the time being, turned on the light, and began to write.

   

  

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