Dieter's Prize

Thirty-Three

Dieter's POV

Koa was being serious when he said he was staying all weekend. Not that it surprised me, but he and Tino do this a lot when they come to see me randomly. But it couldn't have happened at a better time. Watching how he and Carter interacted so effortlessly eased a lot of fears that I held. 

Crispin and Tino found their way to the kitchen to make us some dinner, and Rena and Danielle were off celebrating the good news. I had no idea where Carter and Ezra were but I knew they were together so that's all that matters. 

Koa and I found our way to the backyard and decided to light up some old cigars. 

"You sure about your decision?" Koa asked as he sucked in a huge puff of smoke and then blew it out. 

"Yeah, I'm sure. I can't put Crispin through that alone." I sighed and took a hit of my cigar as well. That taste of tobacco coated my tongue, and the smoke-filled my mouth and clung to it.

"Man, you're whipped," Koa said which caused a chuckle out of me.

"Tino taught you that word didn't he?" I smirked. Knowing that the word was not in his everyday vocabulary.

"Vincent did. His brother. The first time he said it to me was when he saw how I was doing on Valentino's every request during this pregnancy."

"You do tend to give in to every need of his." I teased him and gave him a smirk. Koa leaned over and lightly pushed my shoulder.

"You'll understand one day. There's no greater joy than seeing the man you love carrying your pups."

Love.

That thought had been ever so present in my mind the past few days. Did I love Crispin? I don't quite know, but am I willing to do anything and everything for him? Yes. Without a question. Did his presence ease my soul in a way that made me feel like a kid again? Yes, he did. Did I spend every waking moment trying my absolute best to try and put a smile on his face? Yes.

But was that love? I don't know...

Perhaps it's also partly because I haven't taken the time to think about it. But now that I am...

"You have that look again," Koa spoke pulling me from my thoughts. He took a puff from his cigar and then set it out.

"What look?"

"That apprehensive look. You only get it when you're trying to convince yourself of something. So what is it?" He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Koa is one of the few people in this life that have been able to read me. Read me in a way that annoyed me because he was always able to tell me what was wrong.

"Love is not something I have fully thought of quite yet." Koa hummed in response already knowing why I had such reservations when it came to that word.

I hate to admit it but the last time I found myself experiencing that emotion toward someone was Alcander. The man that betrayed me and the man that gave me this scar. Perhaps that is why I am unable to fully accept that I do indeed love Crispin. I always knew that the mate bond would have me feel an incredible amount of things towards them. But I never took the time to think or even consider the possibility that I would love my mate, that's also probably because I never thought I'd have one.

"I think I am confusing myself. I care for Crispin deeply. So deeply that it hurts sometimes." I spoke cutting through the silence.

"Do you want to know what I think?"