Healing Hearts | Virgil van Dijk

solace

She's yelling at me again, I stare at her. Just hoping she'll eventually get tired and stop talking. I take a deep breath, exhaling while leaning against the kitchen counter as she keeps on ranting. I glance around surprised, I'm back home?

"You should've stayed with him y/n! He was perfect for you, for us!" She shouts, while washing the dishes, seemingly very annoyed.

"Mom- we've had this conversation before. You know what he did- you don't feel bad for me?!"
I try to speak calmly, but my frustration gets the best of me as I raise my voice gradually.

"That doesn't matter! His mom's company and ours are in the same industry, you couldn't have sucked it all up, so we could merge when you got married to him?!"

I mumble a few cuss words under my breath, always the same shit. I loved my mother, but she could actually suggest the craziest things sometimes. How could she think the business opportunity was more important than my happiness?

I open my mouth again, trying to force words out of frustration out. I try to speak, but no noise comes out of my throat. Like my vocal cords got paralyzed in a few seconds. I grab onto my neck, my expression turning panicked. Looking at my mother for help, but she's staring, blankly. The look in her eyes sends a shiver down my spine.

The corners of my vision turn black, a fuzzy feeling washing over me.

I'm in my own apartment again, was I dreaming?

There it's staring at me, in the corner of the room. It's eyes piercing at me. It feels like it's going to pounce at me any second, a dark energy surrounding me. Fear filling my body.

I try to raise my head, but it's like my body is fighting against me, it feels like a hundred bricks are weighting down on my chest. I try to scream for it to leave, to get out. No words leave my lips, my thoughts racing wildly.

"No, go away! Leave, please!"

I squeeze my eyes shut, praying to whomever for me to wake up from this nightmare.

I gasp for air, my body finally gaining some autonomy back as I throw myself onto the floor out of panic. I was on the couch?

I groan, the hardwood floor is cold as my body is sprawled on the unwelcoming ground. I pick my body up from the floor, looking around trying to blink away my sleep. I realize my cheeks were wet from tears, I try wipe them away quickly.

I notice my bag and shoes scattered on the floor, my phone on the coffee table. The TV blaring today's news as I had turned it on for some background noise in the house. I must've immediately fallen asleep on the couch after I came home from the training center. Too tired due to the sleepless nights I had this past week.

I check the time, deciding to eat something and to go outside to get groceries. I could lay in my bed every single day of my life if I could, but I had to at least try to do something active. Just to find a way to stay sane.

I grab my keys, shutting my door behind me as I go down. I put in my earphones, blasting my current favorite song.

The weather in Liverpool was surprisingly nice. Not too hot thankfully. I walk along my neighborhood, walking in and out of the shops greeting the staff of the shops I would regularly visit.

I walk into my apartment building again, two bags of groceries in my hands. I sing along to the song playing in my ear, trying to find some solaces even on my worst days.

I walk into the elevator, pressing the button going up the highest floor. The two minutes ride is quiet, the elevator goes up smoothly, the doors sliding open. But, I'm confused by what greets me.