this is me trying || charles leclerc

Foolish One

That day, I couldn't wait to see Hugo. It felt like my days were gloomier without him. I missed him: his blonde hair shined like the sun, and his bright blue eyes reminded me of the sea that stood in front of Monaco. I felt a sense of calm wash over me whenever he was by my side.

I wondered what he had planned for the day. He always wanted to do so many things that one day was never enough.
But that day was different. When I saw him, he looked nervous.

We decided to take a walk around the old Monaco, surrounded by colourful houses. It was a sunny day but you could feel that cold breeze that anticipated the fall.

«You know, Charles changed his first diaper. You should have seen the look on his face, it was hilarious! Oh and once Chiara threw up on him and he was so disgusted that he was about to throw up himself!»

He was fidgeting with his ring. He looked straight ahead of him and never at me. We sat on a bench in Princess Grace Rose Garden. I loved that place. You could see the immensity of the sea in front of the city. It was bright blue and the sun's reflection glistened on the waves.

I went on to tell him all the funny stories I had about my new little family. We were finally finding balance after weeks of fighting. But while I was telling him about the time that Charles fell asleep on the couch with Chiara on his chest, he interrupted me. He was mad.

«Why do you keep talking about him? You hate him.»
I didn't know what to say. I looked at him but he still avoided my eyes. He stood up and paced before me.
«Yes we do not get along but he is...we are trying to make things better.»

He finally looked at me in disbelief.
«You think he's changed? You think that some cute moments cancel all the years he treated you like shit?»
I couldn't talk. Of course, I didn't forget about them. But still, he deserved some recognition. He was really trying to make things work and I wasn't going to be the one to stop him.

«I'm not saying I forgive him for everything he put me through, Hugo.»
«It sure looks like it, Alba. Can't you see it? That's what he does. Once you let your guard down, he will hurt you again. I can't stand the fact that you'll come crying to me because he is a jerk to you»

That was enough. I got up and started walking out of the garden but he grabbed me by the wrist.
«Why do you bring this up now?»
He didn't answer me.
«Hugo, look me in the eyes and tell me the truth» I knew him too well, I knew that he was keeping something from me.

«I want to be him. I want to be the one you wake up to, the one that you share funny moments with. God, I want to be the one Chiara throws up on. Can't you see that I've been in love with you since the moment I met you?»
Now I was the one to stay silent. I never thought of Hugo as something more than a friend. 
«Don't.»
«Don't do what? Every time I see you with him it breaks my heart because I know that one day you will fall for him. You can't see it now but I can. Trust me, he could never love you like I do»

I sat back on the bench, trying to gather my thoughts. Had he been in love with me for all these years? Looking back on our friendship everything finally made sense. The way he talked to me, how he always showed up whenever I called him, the random surprises "just to make me smile".

«Why are you telling me this now?»
«Because you changed Alba. I never heard you talk about him this way. You look like a little happy family and I know that was your dream since you were a kid. I'm just saying that you could be happy if only you gave me a chance.»

It was still hard for me to find the right words. «Hugo, I...»
«You don't have to tell me now. Think about it.»
«I can't think about it. Because if I start thinking about it I will talk myself into being with you, even if I don't love you. I will start to think that you are the one for me, but it would all be a lie because I know that I will never love you like you love me»
«It will be enough for me»
«No, it won't. We will both be unhappy. I don't want to lose you, you're my best friend. I'm lost without you. But I can't be with you.»

He bit his lip. He always did that when he tried to hold back tears. I went to hug him but his arms didn't hold me like they used to. He kept them by his sides. It was over. Our friendship was over. How could I be so blind? 

He gently pushed me away. «Goodbye, Alba»

I went back home. Before entering the apartment I wiped off a lonely tear. Charles was in the kitchen, trying to make some lunch but without success. It took over for him.
«Is everything okay?»
I didn't answer him.
«Alba...» He must have known. For the first time ever, Charles Leclerc hugged me and stroked my hair while I burst out crying.

«Don't worry, all will be fine»

Sorry again for the short chapter, hope you're liking the story!