this is me trying || charles leclerc

Better Man

Twenty eight days. Four weeks. One month.
That's how much time passed. I hadn't heard from Charles since I took my things and left his house.
Not a text. Not a phone call. Not a word.
And it killed me.

He never picked up Chiara. He sent his mother or one of his brothers if he wanted to see her. He didn't have the decency to show up to see his goddaughter.
I knew it was the right decision to keep my distance but it hurt like hell.
My feelings for him did not fade. If anything they were stronger than ever.

My aunt understood that something was wrong with me but decided to say nothing. She didn't want to make me feel worse so she avoided that topic.
That day I was feeling particularly down so I decided to call the only person who I knew I could run to with my problems.
I left Chiara at home with my aunt and got ready.

Pascale always welcomed me with a warm hug. She boiled some water for the tea and after a few minutes she put a hot mug in my hands and encouraged me to talk.
«I hate it but I don't hate him. How is it possible that even after everything I can't hate him?» I asked her.

She looked at me with the warmth that only a mother has.
«Maybe you can't hate him because you love him. Have you ever thought of that?»
She was incredibly good at reading my mind. I never told her about my feeling for her son but, somehow, she still figured it out.
«It's the way you look at him. So smitten. And trust me, she looks at you the way his father looked at me. But I know it's complicated»

I knew I was better off without him. Everything was so complicated with Charles but, at the same time, it was all so simple.
If only we could just admit that to ourselves.
«You think?»
«I know, cherie.»

The bravest thing I have ever done was run from him when all I wanted to do was being with him.
The thought of not knowing what was going inside his head was tormenting me.
So, that night, I went to his house. Our house. I didn't know if I could call it that.
I was sure that he was alone. Charlotte posted almost a billion Instagram stories to let the world know that she was having a fun night out with her girlfriends in Paris.

I took the elevator up to the last floor, looking at my reflection in the mirror and preparing myself for the worst.
I knocked on his door and took a few deep breaths that didn't calm me down.
He opened the door and we stared at each other for a good minute.

His hair was messier than usual. His sweatshirt had a few stains of god-knows which sauce. His body was curved, he wasn't standing straight as he always did.
His face was long and gray and his eyes....God, his eyes...In that moment I understood when people say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul.
He was miserable.

He was stunned to see me there. He didn't expect me to show up like this, unannounced, after a month of complete silence.
He opened his mouth to speak but whatever he wanted to say died in his throat.
He took me by the arm and hugged me so tight that I thought I couldn't breathe.
But when I felt his arms around me, his perfume and his warmth, I realized that I was finely breathing.

We didn't say a word. We stood in the hallway, taking the moment in.
I felt something wet on my cheek. He was crying.
«I'm sorry» he said. I almost couldn't hear him apologize but the hallway was so silent that a whisper sounded like a scream.

I knew that his whispering was a shout for forgiveness.
I took his head in my hands and caressed away his tears.
We went inside and talked. I don't remember how long we talked for. But once we finished, the first rays of sunlight made their way in his kitchen.

«I don't know what you did to me - he said - but I don't want to be away from you anymore. I was so stupid. I thought that if I got back together with Charlotte I could get over you, but I can't. I can't Alba. I can't stay away from you because you are the air that I breathe. I want to wake up every morning and see you sipping your coffee while staring out of the window. I want to come home knowing that you'll be there, with Chiara in your arms, to welcome me. I want to take you everywhere and make so many memories with you. I want to go to sleep knowing that you will be there when I open my eyes. I was a jerk to you. You have every reason to hate me. I would to. All I am asking is for you to forgive me, come home and give me a chance. I know I have to work on myself. It will be hard but I am ready to do this and commit to you. Please Alba. Come home. Be with me»

I had never been fearless or courageous. But, somehow, in that moment I felt incredible. He was standing in front of me, pouring his heart out. He was willing to become a better man for me.
So I kissed him.

I wanted to thank everyone for all the love and support this story is receiving!
I'm sorry if I published this chapter only now but life got pretty busy in the last few months.
Thank you so much again and happy holidays to everyone!