this is me trying || charles leclerc

Memories

Autumn leaves and cold breezes came and we had to say goodbye to the sunny, warm days. Pascale and I decided to switch our weekly meetings, from a wine glass in the harbour to a hot tea in Charles' childhood home.
I loved meeting with her: it felt like home. We would chat about everything. She was my confidante and my best friend. I was sure she felt the same way, even with the big age difference.

I loved spilling the tea with her. She was so genuine and always had the best advice for me. I relived with her Charles' birthday party. Even though two weeks passed, it still hurt like an open wound. Some things stick with you, no matter how much you try to forget them. She listened carefully, waiting for me to finish my story. Then she just hugged me and told me everything would be okay. 

I didn't know how much I needed her to say those words. I don't like to share my personal life, I'm a very private person. But that day something was different. I needed to tell her everything as if a big rock was sitting on my chest. The only one who knew was Marta.

As she already knew, I grew up in Italy, in a small city near Milan. I had a happy childhood: two loving parents, lots of friends and a swing in my garden. 
One day everything changed. At the time I didn't know, but my parents divorced because of my father's infidelity. He was my hero and my mother tried her best to keep it that way. She told me that sometimes love is not enough to keep two people together. My father moved to the city, met a beautiful woman and started a new life with her.

We stayed in the same small town but when I was sixteen my mother got sick. It was breast cancer. I saw her smile slowly fade away. She was the happiest woman on earth and it hurt me to see that nothing I did was going to cheer her up. I was young but not stupid. I knew there were two possible scenarios. I was the optimistic one: I always thought that she was a force of nature and would bounce back from her sickness. But life is never fair with good people. She passed away after two years of fighting. 

I moved in with my father and his partner. The year I spent with him in Milan was the perfect continuation of the two bad years I had just lived. Silvia, his new love, was beautiful on the outside but she managed to make my life a living hell. She was attracted by my father's wealth: she liked to spend his money on frivolous shopping sprees and unnecessary vacations. I remember getting home from school and finding a note saying that they just "needed to get away from the city" and that they would be back in two weeks. 

I was so full of them that, after I graduated high school, I took everything and moved to Monaco, to be with my mother's sister. Monaco was the light at the end of a long dark tunnel for me. Nobody knew me and I could finally start fresh. I had visited them a few times when I was little and I always kept in touch with Marta. She loved the idea of me moving there. She felt like she was going to have the sister she always wanted. And that is what we were: we were not just cousins, we were like sisters. She guided me in Monaco, introducing me to her friends and finding me a job. While I worked my ass off in a restaurant, I also studied at the University of Nice and graduated with honours. I always liked to study.

I never heard from my father. I found out that he and Silvia got married from a Facebook post. I tried to call him after I got Chiara's custody but he was relaxing with his wife in the Maldives. That day I decided that what once was my hero, was now just a stranger.

Pascale was shaken. She just couldn't imagine how a father could shut out his own daughter that way. She told me about Hervé with a bittersweet smile on her face. He was the best father someone could ask for. I'm sorry he passed so young. As I said, life is never fair with good people. 

I left her house feeling a little bit lighter but talking about my family made me extremely sad. Charles noticed that once I got home.
«What happened? No new gossip today?» he asked joking. I told him that we just had a deep conversation and closed myself in my room. 
I wanted to close my eyes and sleep until the following day. I wouldn't have been good company. But my quiet was disturbed by a text. 

From Unknown:
You still in town trouble?

It looked like my past was hunting me that day. There was only one person who called me trouble in the whole world. 

To Unknown:
I'm not trouble anymore.

From Unknown: 
You didn't answer me.

To Unknown:
It's been years Luca, what now?

From Luca:
I missed you trouble.

I didn't answer that last text. Luca was trouble. He was my first boyfriend, my first love. It was a complicated relationship. But even after everything, all he did was try to look out for me. He was a closed chapter of my life. Why would he come back now? I wish he would stay in my memories but I'm not the one deciding, fate is.

«Is everything okay?» It was Charles, knocking on my door. Was everything okay? Certainly not. But I still got up and opened the door to find him with a big smile. He took my hand and brought me over to the living room.
«You have to see it» I was confused but everything became clear once he called Chiara's name and she started to slowly crawl towards him. I ran to her, picked her up and kissed her all over her round cute face.

Charles followed him and hugged the two of us with his his strong arms. I put my head on his shoulder and enjoyed this moment. We looked like a little happy family. I felt butterflies in my stomach. A thought came to my mind. Was Fabio right? Was I really falling for Charles?