this is me trying || charles leclerc

The Best Day

I was nervous that morning. I would spend the whole day with Pascale, Charles' mother. I wanted to make a good impression. After all, in a way, I was taking care of her granddaughter.
I had woken up before sunrise. Chiara wouldn't have woken up for a few hours, so I decided to take a quick run around the harbour to clear my mind.

I didn't know what to expect. Was she going to like me? Marta always told me that she was a wonderful woman. She had to make a lot of sacrifices to help Charles realize his dreams and I admired her for that.
Once I got back home I took a shower. Chiara woke up shortly after my arrival. I gave her her breakfast bottle and put her in the cutest outfit I could find.

We met in a park. If I close my eyes I can still see Pascale's beautiful smile. She was a beautiful woman. Of course, she had some wrinkles but she looked like she was fine with that. She earned them with time and was not afraid to show them off.

«Bonjour cherie! And bonjour petit chou!» she said, holding me in the best hug I have ever had.
We decided to sit on a bench and take in the last rays of summery sunshine. She wanted to know everything about Chiara. She asked me everything, from our typical day to what was her favourite toy.

She also bought her a really cute rag doll that kinda looked like Marta.
«Mais oui, Charles always talks about her! He is so happy...he even told me about when he was feeding her and she threw up a bit on him. I laughed so much that time I almost peed myself a little!»

I stopped laughing. The smile on my face was gone to leave space for a perplexed expression.
«He told you that?» I asked.
«Yes, he tells me all kinds of stories»
I couldn't believe a word she said.
«I am sorry but Charles was not there that time»
«Excuse me? I believe my son was.»

I didn't like where this conversation was going.
«You must be mistaken because he was not. Hugo was.»
She looked at me, just as perplexed. I could see that she was trying to go through every story Charles told her.
«Then I must have confused stories. He told me about when he put a Ferrari hat on her. It was so big that it fell several times. Look, I still have the picture he sent me»

Oh my God. Was there really happening?
«Pascale I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure I bought that hat and put it on her. I took that photo. That is my house»
She looked at me in disbelief. I understood that she was getting to where I was.
«I think Charles has been lying to you. I'm not saying that he's a pathological liar but I guarantee you that he hasn't been part of Chia's life.»

Poor woman. I could see that behind her eyes, her world was collapsing. How could someone lie this much to their mother? She tried to speak but couldn't put together the words.
«I'm sorry. He has been telling you the truth in some way. All these things really happened. Except he was never there. I always text him updates but he never replies. He must tell you the stories that he hears from his friends»

I had never felt that awful. I think she was doubting everything her son ever told her. But, unexpectedly, she asked me something I would have never thought of.
«How are you? Raising her alone?»
She was so compassionate. It took me a good minute before I could answer her.

«I mean, I'm not raising her all on my own. My friends, our friends, have been a great help. I think they spoil her too much. Every day she is showered with love and affection. And she is so good. She almost never cries...» but as I was going on she stopped me.

«That's nice to hear. But how are you, Alba? How are you holding up? You lost part of your family, it must be hard»
I felt my eyes get watery. I never stopped to understand how I was doing. I have always been so focused on Chiara that I put myself aside.

«It's hard. I miss her - I said, as a tear crossed my cheek - I have so many things to ask her...but she is not here»
I stopped and took a deep breath.
«I love her. So much. But I feel like I'm not enough. How could I ever replace her mother? It feels so wrong to be raising her and...»
She hugged me. A motherly hug. One full of love and understanding. A hug that I hadn't had in years.

«Do not say that. Of course you could never replace Marta. She was her mother. You only get one of them. But you are more than enough. To be honest I do not know you. This is the first time that we have met. But I can see that you are doing everything you can to be there for her. I feel in my heart that you are on the right path. And a mother's instinct is never wrong»

I needed that. I needed to hear someone say those words to me. My friends always support me but it's not the same. It was almost as if I needed her to say those words.

We spent the rest of the day on a much lighter note. We went to lunch and she insisted on paying. We walked and talked about our lives. It seemed like we had known each other our whole lives.
But after I put Chiara down for her nap, Pascale brought up again Charles.

«If he is never here, what do you do? Does he give you money to help you? Sometimes does he take her for the weekend?»
I was so sorry to bring her down again.

«It's...complicated. At first, I took some time off work. I sacrificed my holidays to adjust to her. But I had to get back. I'm just a server. I have a degree in graphic design but I still haven't found my dream job. So I stick to that. During lunchtime she stays with her grandma and during dinner Hugo babysits for me»

«And Charles?»
«He comes and goes. He shows up without any notice. He stays with her for a few hours, no more than an afternoon. And then he vanishes.»

I looked at her. I could almost see her brain working, trying to comprehend the information it just received.
We departed shortly after.

«Don't hesitate to call me, for anything. Just wait and see, things will get better».
«Thank you. I know it might sound strange but I had the best day with you today»
She kissed me on the cheek and left, leaving me in a cloud of her perfume.