this is me trying || charles leclerc

Haunted

That weekend in Brazil, I realised I had to lose all my feelings for Charles. We were already in a difficult situation and I knew that falling in love with him was going to complicate things even more.
Surely, he was making an effort. He went from despising me to telling me about his new flirt, without knowing that now he was hurting me more than ever.

As planned, he went to Berlin to meet Carola and then spent a few days in Maranello with the team. The house felt so empty without him.
I missed waking up to him playing the piano, his laughs with Andrea and seeing him with our little Chiara. Sometimes I felt so lucky to have him in my life.

If you had asked me how I felt about him a few years ago, I would have expressed my hate and disgust for him in a way that was not ladylike. But now? Now I would tell you that I can't imagine my life without him.

«Is anyone home?»
I heard his voice and the door closing behind him from Chiara's room. I was sitting on an armchair, holding her in my arms as she was napping. He curiously peeked from the door and came in to kiss his goddaughter's head.

He left the room to put down his luggage. I put Chiara in her crib and followed him into the kitchen.
«So, how was Berlin?» I asked, secretly hoping that the date had gone bad.
«Very cold. But I had fun» he answered. Something was wrong. We were past dry answers, I was hoping for a detailed story but all I received was I had fun.
I decided that it wasn't worth it to push him into talking and went to my room.

To Carola:
Hey there! How was your long date this weekend?

From Carola:
Alba! Which date?

I asked her about her date with Charles but she told me that she hadn't seen him since his birthday. They just texted sometimes but that was it.
Oh. Then who did he meet this weekend?
«Alba? Are you ready to go? We'll be late for lunch at maman's»

We went to Pascale's house to have lunch with the whole family. She wanted to invite Riccardo and Marta's parents so that they could spend the afternoon with their granddaughter.
Charles' brothers were also going to attend the lunch.

I didn't know Arthur, the younger brother. I saw him a few times but he was just as busy with racing as Charles. It was the first time that I had the chance to chat with him and he was really nice. He was funnier than Charles but sometimes you could see his immaturity behind his jokes.

Even though Lorenzo was older that all of us, him and I got along pretty well. He was a regular in the restaurant where I worked. He occasionally gave me lifts when he had long business dinners and, over time, we became good friends. We don't hang out but we know that we're there for each other. He is the older brother I never had and he considers me as his little sister.

«So no one knows where he was?» he asked.
«I have no idea - I replied. - He just vanished for a few days and came back as if nothing happened»
Lorenzo stared outside the window for a moment gathering his thoughts.
«I remember him doing this. When he wants privacy he lies and vanishes. The last time he was...»
«He had just stared dating Charlotte»

We couldn't finish our conversation since Pascale called us and told us that everyone was already sitting at the table.
The whole time I was silent. I made polite small talk with the adults but didn't speak to Charles or his brothers.

How could I ever think that he had changed? And for me? I felt so stupid I couldn't stand sitting at the same table with him. Just after dessert I made and excuse and left for a walk. I lied and said that I had a terrible headache. Pascale offered to let me rest in her bedroom but I insisted on going home, alone.

I thought I had figured him out. But I was wrong.
I had to expect it. I knew he never cared about me, surely he acted like a friend just to calm things down at home.
A single tear. That is all I let my self cry. One single tear. He didn't deserve my tears.

Maybe, Hugo wasn't wrong after all. I was chasing someone I thought I knew. I was delusional. Once I got home I packed my suitcase with the essentials. I needed to get away from him.
I packed some of Chiara's things too and waited for them to get home.

«What's the meaning of this?» he asked when he noticed my bags near the door.
«I'll stay with my uncles for a few days. You can see Chiara whenever you want but we will stay there»
He looked me in my eyes, trying to understand where this was coming from.
«But why, Alba? I thought everything was ok. Things are great between us now»

I took a deep breath.
«I thought so too. But I can't share a house with a compulsive liar»
«A liar? Please be clear. What's going on?»
«Where were you last weekend?»
«I told you, I was in Berlin with Carola»
«I'll ask again. Where were you last weekend? Because I'm 100% sure that you never saw her»

I could see him putting together all the pieces of his puzzle. He leaned on the wall, searching for support. I took my bags and the stroller, leaving him behind.