Letters unsent

Abigail 1.

Dearest Abigail,                                                                                                               Saturday, 7 may

I've been meaning to write this letter, I was watching The Perks of Being a wallflower because you mentioned it once. I think I'm a lot like Charlie only that i talk too much and when i talk it's more like ranting and people don't know how to respond to ranting. That makes me regret I ever talked. You let me rant though, I don't know why or if you even enjoy listening to me. I don't know what you liked about me, it might have had something to do with my low self esteem or maybe the fact that you barely gave any reaction to me except for when I said I was a child, you would say it's cute but I didn't want to be seen as a child because children are seen as less than. I hope you don't see me as less than. Sometimes i wonder if you like me at all. It's lik you wake up everyday and spin a wheel deciding if you're going to like me or not. Most of the time i feel like I'm not important to you, or that I'm not worth fighting for. To be fair I wouldn't find myself worth fighting for either. It's just tiring, like I'm some back up boy because you can't have David but then the good days come and you're mine again. It makes me wonder why I can't have you all the time, but that would be greedy of me so I won't wonder too much. I try and tell you how I feel but I just feel stupid. I should have known you wouldn't understand, you have everything I ever wanted.

Tw: mention of sh

Dear you,                                                                                                                          Tuesday, 14 june

I think I miss you, which is bad because I told everyone i like someone else. I think you would like to know that I am really better, I'm doing things by myself now. I'm watching shows and listening to music, I'm studying more. While while writing I'm watching The Perk of Being a Wallflower. Sam makes me think of you. I wish I could tell you that I never wanted you to change for me, I wanted you to change for someone who was worth changing for because honestly, truly, i am an asshole. I've come to the conclusion that to never hurt anyone ever again I must never talk to anyone again. So I'm trying to do that. I work now and I make about 50USD every week. I still cut myself but only when i feel bad, it's a replacement for talking because talking only hurts people and I'm trying not to do that. I understand myself and that's nice. I think about you more then I'd like to admit. I wonder how are doing and then I have to remind myself that you fall in love all the time so it's nothing special. I was never anything special.