Begin Again 2: RESET || Nate Maloley

{ nine }

We had just crossed the Arizona-California border. Nate stopped at a Walgreens to steal some more snacks. It's been hours and we still hadn't spoken to each other - he never turned the music down. Once he carelessly tossed a honey bun at me, I was fed up.

"Okay, no." I turned the music down. "You're not gonna act like a fucking child. Do you know how old those pictures are? They weren't too long after the double-date. Yes, Sammy and I had a fling, but nothing more. After that night you saw me eating that pizza, that was it."

"Save it, Liv," he spoke. "I don't feel like talkin' about this right now. Let's just do what we have to do and get it over with."

"And then what? Huh? We get back to Omaha and then what?"

He simply shrugs and starts the car up.

"Unbelievable." I sat back, picking at the honey bun. "And what are we gonna do for the money?"

"I'll handle it, okay?"

"I forgot, you have an answer for everything that magically proves successful."

"Do you really wanna argue right now," he chuckled. "I just wanna keep to myself for the moment, do you fuckin' mind?"

"You're so fucking moody! It doesn't help that you look pissed off half the time, I never know if I please you enough. You're like...the Kanye West of Omaha."

"Why can't you just be my girl? Why you gotta do all that extra shit, man?" He sucked his teeth.

"That comes with the territory! It should feel nice to have someone that loves you and gives a shit!"

"Why do you still have Sammy's pictures then?"

"I told you I forgot I had them."

I held my hands up, looking at him in disbelief. It was like talking to a wall in an endless loop.

"Most of my time was spent with you anyway," I continued. "After all the sex we've been having when in the hell would I have time to go home and stare at a naked Sammy?"

"So you're sayin' if you had time—"

"You know what I meant, Nate. Don't you fucking dare."

"Let's just get to Palm Springs without rippin' each others heads off," his voice just barely cracked.

"What's in Palm Springs?" I asked.

"A friend of mine. It would be nice to sleep in a place that's not a fuckin' motel."

When he said that, a small part of me ached. I remembered a time before we started our trip when Nate told me he couldn't wait to stay in all the motels along the way so we could relive our first passionate moment multiple times. A moment I hold dear to my heart because it was when he first helped me realize how much I needed to love myself and my body. It was the first time he called me Tiger because of my stretch marks and unlike Wesley who was disgusted by them, Nate would trace them with his finger tips with love. The first time I officially figured out that after all the bickering that we didn't hate each other at all; we were crazy about each other.

I spent the rest of the ride with my face toward the open window and the multi-colored sky as the sun set. I didn't want him to see me emotional but it hurt so much. It physically pained me to hold everything in; to not let a single tear fall or to let my breath hitch.