Begin Again 2: RESET || Nate Maloley

{ eighteen }

O L I V I A

I woke up to a note from Nate saying he was out running a couple errands with Swazz and I took this as a chance to pay Andrea one last visit. We never got to talk things out and I wanted to avoid the entire thing. But, it was time to be an adult, for once.

At first, there weren't many words spoken once she had opened the door. It was mainly to see who would talk first. So I took the liberty.

"I, uh, need that information from you," I told her. "That I asked you for, remember?"

She stood there with her arms crossed and then rolled her eyes, turning around to go fetch what I requested. The paper was nestled between the pages of a History textbook.

"Thanks," I said, taking it from her.

"So you're really doing this," she asked. Her eyes were squinting a little due to the bright sunlight behind me.

"It's what's right," I replied.

"You know," she shifted her weight to her other leg. "I don't understand you anymore. We used to be best friends who told each other everything."

"And then you changed," I finished for her. "Leaving me in the dust."

That silenced her; she couldn't really deny my statement. What started as a friendship of equals, ended as complete opposites.

"You were supposed to be my friend," I continued. "But you were too busy being blind to the big picture. You were too busy trying to transform me into your perfect vision...just like my mother. And I think it's best we just...end it right here."

"What are you saying?"

I shrugged. "It's simple, Andrea. I don't wanna be friends anymore. I cherish the good times but I also cherish the bad times because they helped me see the real person you have become. And I don't want any part of it."

I kept it simple. I patted her on the shoulder before turning away to head back to my car. Breathing just became a lot easier and my head became a lot more clear. I had things to do.

The following week has been bittersweet. It has been amazing having Nate stay with me every single day. We both feel safer this way. I watch his back, he watches mine. But the nights were nothing short of unpleasant. He has night terrors every night, scared to death about Evan returning eventually. The longer the investigators take to call & give us good news, the more on edge he gets. More than me. 

To make matters worse, he sometimes breaks down about Foosh. He walks around with a dark cloud over his head, filled with sorrow and regret that not even my kisses can take away. He wishes things were different. He wishes Foosh never went down that path and that he'd still be alive today, doing better for himself. He especially felt terrible when he found out only 5 people showed up to his funeral. He wanted to be there but he couldn't bare show his face when he was why there was a funeral in the first place. But I kept trying to console him and tell him that he's not to blame. He was defending himself and protecting me. Foosh was going to kill me officially then probably turn the gun on Nate instead of himself. Because he's broken out of custody once, he could've probably done it again.

Nate always shifts around in his sleep and a few times he was crying. Turns out he was dreaming about Jackie, screaming out for her not to kill herself. Another night he was screaming out for his parents to come back. All I could do was hold him until he relaxed again and his body stopped twitching. I've been feeling so helpless.

. . .

N A T E