Mulan, the female warrior

Caught in the middle

Mulan took a deep breath. She'd made a brave decision in taking her fathers place. She needed to keep that courage.  As she left the tent with Shang, everybody was outside waiting. There was a collective sigh of relief at the sight of Mulan up and walking, but she noticed some of the soldiers were staring at her in an unusual way. Shang knew they were trying to make conclusions after hearing him refer to her as a woman.

"Ping! Are you okay?" Ling asked. Mulan gave a weak nod. She glanced at Shang and waited for him to say something. She was so nervous, she wasn't sure she could speak. 

"Gentleman, there's something I need to tell you. This is Fa Mulan, the same soldier formally known to you as Fa Ping. She stepped in to help her father and as you know, saved us. She's the bravest and most honourable of us all. I'd like it if you could all show her the respect she deserves as our hero. Chien-po, could you bring her horse over here please?"

"High treason! Ultimate dishonour!" Chi-Fu yelled in disgust. 

Mulan and Shang both shot him a glare and ignored him. Shang held Khan's reins while Mulan made herself comfortable.

"Be careful on the way home, you got injured really badly. If you need to take any more breaks or need any medical attention on the journey, please let us know," Shang said.

"You know the law!" Chi-Fu continued.

"You wouldn't have survived that attack if the law was followed!" Mulan snapped, furiously. Oops. She forgot she was a girl again. Mulan remembered what she'd been taught, she was supposed to hold her tongue in the presence of men and not talk out of place. Perhaps she should've let Shang answer, he'd promised to protect her after all. That's what her head told her, but Mulan couldn't bring herself to feel remorseful.  She stared ahead and caught her reflection in a soldier's helmet. She was seeing more of herself than ever before- her true self.

"She's right! Mulan saved your life and everyone else's. She's loyal and she fights good! Remember that."

Shang urged her to move ahead of the others with him. He tried to make conversation to distract her. It wasn't working though. Mulan felt a lot of eyes on her, as though she was the new kid in a classroom.  She no longer had to be mindful of her body language or the way she presented herself, but, it felt strange. Somehow, she felt more awkward as Mulan than she did as Ping. She'd need to get used to being herself around others again. What are they thinking? she wondered. 

"So, how are you feeling about going home?" Shang asked. She felt a wave of despair. Each second, they were drawing closer and closer to home, but it was something she didn't want to face. Mulan turned away, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I know it won't be easy for you." Shang said. He understood why. Mulan, although a hero, stole her father's armour and risked her life. During their time away, none of the soldiers had any communication with home. He realised how worried her family must've been for her safety.

"I'm really afraid, Shang," Mulan admitted. 

"You'll be getting quite the scolding, won't you? I can't say I blame your parents. You would've cause a lot of panic when they realised you were missing. They'll be happy you've made it home in one piece though."

Mulan wanted to agree, but her insecurities and doubt told her otherwise. She thought about the days leading up to war. The events with the matchmaker had hurt her family. Mulan feared that her running away and cross dressing were the final straws. She wondered if she'd even be accepted back at home. 

"When this armour comes off, I have to go back to reality. My father's safe and that's all I should care about, but I can't stop thinking about what they'll say. Before I left for war, I was supposed to be preparing for marriage, but I couldn't impress the matchmaker. I blew my chance and dishonoured my family.  By being in this war, I know I've embarrassed them even more. I want to be a good daughter. Maybe I can ask the matchmaker if I can try again, and I can work on my grace and elegance. But, no matter how much I try to make amends, I'm not sure if my family will want to see me again."

Shang wanted to challenge her, but he couldn't. He knew what people's attitudes were towards women. Although he hated to admit it, before he met Mulan, he'd also dismissed the idea of female soldiers. But now, his view had changed. She was different to any girl he had ever met. The others were more poised, obedient and proper. Like the others, Mulan was feminine and polite, but something about her felt more genuine. He wondered if every woman was like this, with more sides to them. Regardless, he couldn't picture Mulan any other way.

"If you changed yourself just to impress people, I think it'd be a real shame."

Mulan blushed a little and smiled. She felt an immense amount of pride for herself. Now when she looked in the mirror, she saw someone worth wile. She'd found her calling. But that was here, at war. She'd been able to focus on the parts of herself she liked. Whenever she thought about her life at home, her pride wavered.

"Do you even want to get married?"

"I... I've never thought about it before," she replied, truthfully. She prepared for marriage, because she'd been told to, not because she had been driven by a desire to do so. She'd heard all about the type of wives her friends in the army were looking for. She'd also been taught what type of woman she needed to be for her future husband, but Mulan realised she'd never given qualities for a husband any real thought.