Mulan, the female warrior

I've made a decision

Mulan carried on as normal, but she couldn't stop worrying. She replayed last nights events over and over in her head. Shang was ignoring her today. He'd lost his usual energy, and hadn't even looked in her direction. That was a bad sign. Even worse than yesterday was what could happen today. She felt sick, hardly sure of what to say or do. Part of her wanted to run and get as far away from Shang as possible before he could kill her. Mushu encouraged it too, but she couldn't. She'd done what she'd done to save her father. Mulan worried about the impact on her family if she didn't take her punishment. I need to keep it together, no matter how scared I am, she reminded herself. Scared wasn't a strong enough word. Mulan was petrified. So much so, she could hardly hold her sword. She prayed to her ancestors. They wouldn't be able to save her, but she hoped they'd forgive her for dishonouring them once she made it to the afterlife. Mushu promised he'd think of a way to save her, but Mulan had to be realistic. Staying hopeful would make the inevitable more upsetting.

"Ping!" Shang called out. "I need to speak with you. Walk with me."
Startled, Mulan jumped out of her skin. She distanced herself from the rest of the soldiers, who were training, and followed Shang in silence. They kept walking until he was sure they were far away from the others.

"Mulan, I've made a decision," Shang whispered. He wore a look of anxiousness, unable to look her in the eye.

Mulan swallowed and stiffened her body. Her insides were shaking, but she didn't want to show it. She mentally braced herself for the worst. Shang was a man who did everything by the book. She knew what would happen. All she could do was put on a brave face and accept it.

"You're dismissed. I don't believe you deserve death, but I can't keep you here. The longer this drags on, the greater the chance you'll be discovered. When it happens, you'll be raped, killed or both. It'll be bad for you. When you go home, don't speak a word about this to anyone and I won't make your father take your place. You and your family can deal with this privately."

This was the part where she was supposed to say thank you. She'd kept her father safe and didn't have to die. She'd got what she wanted, hadn't she?

"Please! You said it yourself, I'm among the strongest here. I know I can keep my secret if you'll just give me a chance! We're down in numbers as it is!" Mulan exclaimed. She wasn't sure what came over her. It was as though she was speaking from her heart, not her head.

"That's enough! Pack your things and see yourself out by midnight," Shang snapped.

She blinked back tears and made her way to her tent.

"What was that about! Shang spared you and on top of that, you don't have to be in this war anymore. You were supposed to shut your trap and hurry on out!" Mushu said.

"Forget it. You wouldn't understand," Mulan muttered. She didn't want to hear it. She needed to be alone.

Mulan reflected on why she was there. Maybe she hadn't gone for her father. Through serving, Mulan believed she'd found her purpose in life. She was passionate about fighting for China and above all, she was good at it. It wasn't fair. A wave of jealousy washed over her. Why wasn't she born male like the rest of the soldiers? Or better yet, why weren't women accepted in the army? She daydreamed about what it'd be like to fight without pretending. She could be herself, she could do what she loved and be free. Tomorrow, she'd be plain old Fa Mulan again, a woman unable to impress the matchmaker and live up to the expectations of her family. Not only that, she'd get a huge scolding for what she had done. Mulan was devastated to be returning home but at the same time, she was grateful to still be alive. Shang really was a good guy and was trying to protect her.

She didn't want to waste time waiting around. Mulan decided she'd pack up and head home as soon as possible. She wanted to speak to Ling, Yao and Chien-po first to say her goodbyes, but it seemed like a bad idea. Telling anyone else she was a girl would be a huge gamble. She couldn't be honest about why she was leaving, but perhaps she could think of something else. Mulan began packing her suitcase, until something stopped her in her tracks. There was a clank that prompted her to turn around. An arrow had pierced through her tent and fallen on the ground beside her. She leapt to her feet, looked outside and gasped. The huns were attacking!