Saorsa

Deluded

Thirty minutes earlier

The man stands stationary in the crowd, staring right back at me.

He's wearing a black mask, similar to the ones people were wearing during peak covid but I don't need to fully see his face to know who he is.

I recognise that hair from all the times I'd run my fingers through it as we cuddled on the sofa, hoping if I treated him with enough tenderness he'd do the same for me.

I recognise those tattoos from when he'd return home completely out of it, high or drunk with a new tattoo that he didn't remember getting.

And I remember those hands from all the times they were wrapped around my neck as I gasped for air.

I stand completely still, all sense leaving my brain as our eyes remained trained on one another's.

I can't see his mouth but I can tell he's smiling at me as he slowly lifts his black shirt up, revealing a red object in his waistband.

My heart pounds in my chest, my blood running cold.

I can barely see it but I know what it is and he knows I know too.

James's father was a cruel man, which may explain how is son turned out. James told me the only time his father would show any interest in him is when they'd go hunting together, just the two of them out in the wilderness.

James wouldn't participate, he was a child who had quite the distain for killing innocent animals. His father eventually tormented that empathy out of him and on his twelfth birthday after James had shot his first deer, he gifted him his first hunting knife.

A long jagged blade, the handle a bright red with his name engraved.

He'd always promised me that if I left him that's what he'd use to slit my throat.

With no warning I bolt out of the line, running as fast as I can away from the psychopath staring me down.

I weave in and out of the crowd, my weak body trying the hardest it can to get away.

I barely get out of sight from the bathroom before he catches up to me, his hand tightly grasping my shoulder.

I come to a stop in front of a group of people, all happily spread out over a picnic blanket like I had been only an hour ago.

"Erm are you okay?" One of the girls question, looking up at me with a puzzled expression.

I feel the knife being pressed into my lower back, the cold steel sending me shivers even through the material of my dress.

I know James better than I know myself. He's erratic, impulsive. Any rational person would think that killing someone in public wouldn't be the greatest idea but knowing James he'd want to see my die despite any prison time he may face.

"Yeah sorry," I smile awkwardly, abruptly turning around and following James as he pulls me along.

"I don't want to kill you," He whispers in my ear, his hot breath on my neck. 

"I just want to talk but you've made that hard, you know with the disappearing in the middle of night and then having your little boyfriend beat the shit out of me at the hospital," He chuckles.

I want to reply, spew all the carefully constructed lines I've come up with over the years in order to keep him calm.

I want to tell him that I know he doesn't want to kill me, that I know he's only doing this because he loves me and wants what's best for me. But the lies don't flow out my mouth as easily as they used to.

Even back then I knew it wasn't true but a small part of me deep down hoped that maybe, just maybe this was his own fucked up perception of love. That part of me died when I met Emilio.

"Why are we going in here," I ask quietly as he pulls me into the forest.

"So we can talk," He replies. "Privately." He adds.

I know I should scream, kick and punch but I don't, I follow him. Most people's survival instinct is fight or flight but mine is compliance.

James taught me a long time ago that trying to fight back or run away wouldn't work out for me.

He pulls me into the forest, eventually stopping right next to a large oak tree. I stand completely still, my feet rooted to the leafy ground beneath me.

He turns around, pulling off his mask and staring down at me. I mentally prepare myself for a slap, a punch, anything but it doesn't come, instead he pulls me into a hug.

"I've missed you," He whispers as his arms suffocate me, taking a long whiff of my hair.

I don't move, don't make a sound as he holds me, his touch alone revolting me.

"I blamed you but I know who they are now, what they've done to you," He lets out a sigh of relief, pulling me away and holding me in front of him with his hands firmly gripping my shoulders.

"What?" I question, completely lost.

"The Cruz family," He clarifies. "I know they run a criminal organisation and they've manipulated you but don't worry I'm here to take you back home," He smiles, flashing his yellow teeth.

"What are you talking about James, I'm not going anywhere with you," I tell him definitively, pushing him away.

"You don't understand baby, they chose you because you're weak minded and easily manipulated," He explains. "They're probably using you for god knows what," He seethes, hatred dripping off his voice.

His blatant insults anger me and for once in my life I find myself arguing back with him. "I'm not being manipulated I'm actually the happiest I've ever been," I scoff.

"You don't know what you're talking about," He grits, grabbing my arm.

"Yes I do." I raise my voice, my cheeks heating red. "I'm in love with Emilio, I have friends, a life here and I'll never ever be with you again," I shout, all self preservation flying out the window.

His face morphs into an expression I've only ever seen seconds before his fist comes flying my way. He takes a deep breath, rolling his neck.

"Serena you love me." He grits. "You may not see it because of whatever that criminal has been filling your head with," He mutters.

"I hate you," I state simply, backing away from him. He shakes his head, amusement dancing in his eyes. "You love me Serena," He repeats, his lips tugging upwards.

"I just think you need to be reminded."