Anime character canons

How i think Hellsing characters would react to u making a smart remark.

This will consist of the following characters:

-Major (Just found out his name is Montana Max)

-The Captain (AKA THE WEREWOLF)

-Schrodinger (THE ONLY PERSON OTHER THEN QUINCEY MORRIS AND JOHNATHAN HARKER THAT COULD KILL ALUCARD. THATS RIGHT NOT WALTER. SHRODINGER!)

-Tubalcain Alhambra (Magical card vampire)

-Zorin Blitz (Giant woman vampire)

-Rip Van Winkle (Magic bullet vampire)

-The Professor (the guy who Walter crushed at the end of episode 10.)

-Young Walter C. Dornez (cute Wire boy)

Adult Walter C. Dornez (Sexy wire man)

Old Walter C. Dornez (Skinny version of the villian Penguin from DC who controls wires.)

-Integra Hellsing (The person who people can't tell if its a he or she)

-Alucard (Do i even have to tell you who he is?)

-Dracula Alucard (Sexy murderer with a beard and accent)

-Seras Victoria (Big titted police girl)

-Pip Bernadotte (Mercinary)

-Enrico Maxwell (COMPLETE LOSER!)

-Alexander Anderson (Hot priest guy)

-Heinkel Wolfe (Bandage face)

-Yumie Tagaki (Can be saved in Tupperware containers)

You where asked where have you been and you replied with "Doing your mom/ your dad" Here is how i think they would react!

Major (AKA Montana Max): He thought it was funny but annoying and probably did scold you a little.

The Captain: He didn't really care but he was still annoyed.

Schrodinger: Your mom: He took it a little personal and said "HA! Jokes on you i don't even know my mom or dad! I only know the Major and The Professor!"

Tubalcain Alhambra: He wasn't having it. He killed you.

Zorin Blitz: She tortured you by using her powers to make it seem like she was brutally torturing you.

Rip Van Winkle: She thought it was funny but a little annoying and you and her both kept going back and forth making yo mama or yo daddy jokes to offend eachother.

The Professor: If he didn't have a chip in your neck he would scold you but he wouldnt touch you out of fear of being killed or hurt. If he did have a chip in your neck then he used his remote and burned you to death.

Young Walter C. Dornez: He thought it was funny because he knew he would say that and you and him made a bunch of yo mama and yo daddy jokes for fun and then made fun of other members parents in the hellsing headquarters.

Adult Walter C. Dornez: He didn't care enough to do anything other then glare at you a few seconds before walking away.

Old Walter C. Dornez: He scolded you and said that a Woman/Man of respect should never say such crude things. But he did think it was funny.

Integra Hellsing: doing your mom: She didn't really care that you said that but she was a bit offended. 

doing your dad: Talk about anger issues. She made you practice swords with her and kept beating you and cutting you with the sword a bunch of times then said to never speak of her father in such a way ever again.

Alucard: He thought it was funny but still got a bit annoyed at you remark

Dracula Alucard: He impaled you and left you out in the open in front of his castle to bleed out and to let crows peck and eat you.

Seras Victoria: She definitely didn't like it. She beat the crap out of you!

Pip Bernadotte: He was annoyed but did find it funny because it reminded him of what he would say.

Enrico Maxwell: Got offended and kicked you out of the Iscariot Organization then put a bounty over your head secretly so he wouldn't be executed by the pope.

Alexander Anderson: He scoldd you like a child and most likely punished you like one aswell. Or he just killed you with his bayonets 

Heinkel Wolfe: She got annoyed and beat the crap out of you.

Yumie Tagaki: She either beat the crap out of you or sliced you into pieces.