Things I Wish I Appreciated in my Twenties

Sincerely...

Dear Anxiety,

First, I need you to understand how much I dislike you. No — hate you; how much everyone in the world hates you and would be better off without you.

You always make people feel like they have the whole world on their shoulders. And the world feels like a million pounds. You make people feel like they can't hold it all and if it'll one day collapse on top of them, crushing them, killing them. They don't know if their bones will snap under the pressure, or should I say, when they're going to. They never know if they can make it through another day like this with you. They don't know if it will get better all because of you.

You're like a game, a terrible, shitty game full of lies and pain. You're drowning people in the depths of your abyss like emotion. You break down people's secure walls and self-esteem. No one knows how people are really feeling anymore, always hidden behind fake truths because they don't want others to worry about them. There are no words to describe what is going on through everyone's aching mind and heart. No one understands why they feel the way they do, but they also don't know how to feel without you.

Anxiety, you are the main cause of why depression starts. You make goals and dreams of archiving them seem impossible and they slowly diminish away. You make getting the simplest task done seem like it's the end of the world. You make people feel like they are running a marathon, shaking, sweating, heart pounding, all that fun stuff. You stop people from being the person they want to be, the person they need to be. People get paralyzed with fear and panic whenever they step out into the world. You make people feel like their torsos are about to explode with your chest tightening, body trembling, and heart beating so loud they feel like a ticking time bomb.

That's when you invited your friend depression. That's when there are nights filled with crying, worse-case scenarios running through people's heads that are untrue, but seem so vivid and so real that it takes forever for people's brains to calm down. Depression, you take away every accomplishment that people have worked hard for, making people question if they're actually worth it. People have suffered years of your pain. Years of your struggles. Years of your attempts to end them. But years can turn into months. Years can turn into weeks. And years can turn into days.

But guess what you two, there are strong people out there who have fought you and beat you. They got out of that dark abyss that you put them in and now have found light once again. They can now hold on during the toughest days. But the strongest people are the ones that still manage to get out of bed each day and face the world. They still put smiles on everyone's face even though they are in an internal battle with you. They might argue with me and just say they are going through the motions, but they just don't see the good in themselves. They think them and their problems are a burden to others. Most don't even walk around complaining or even venting about their pain. Instead, they hold it all in, so they don't annoy or worry anyone else. They lie to their friends, families, teachers, anyone so they don't have anyone on their backs. They're scared y'know? They're scared of how people will react once they find out. People might judge them, call them weak, worthless, tell them to just get over it and calm down, tell them to just be happy, to just not worry.

It's feeling too much and nothing at all at the same time. But this all stops today. People are done living in fear with you. It's time people break down that wall you've created and let the incredible support system that they've been blessed with help them fight back, because you don't control their life; they do.

Sincerely, a strong person