It was fast... and unexpected.
But it is also brief and sad.
I don't know where I read the phrase, but the book says that the most painful break-ups are not the ones that end because of cheating.
It is not also the ones who were separated due to family issues or social status.
Rather, the most painful break-ups are the ones who just simply need to leave... for the sake of growing... for the sake of allowing time to decide if you are really meant for each other.
...
I know I love him... I'm sure of it.
But I can't stay... because he was never sure about me.
Perhaps he has only been carried away by his own emotions. It was his first time, after all. He may have misunderstood love for something else.
Or maybe, just maybe... it is love. It only happens that I'm not the woman he wants to give and try it all... the woman whom he wants to be ready for.
It is love... but the scariest form of it.
It looks profound and intense at first look but is actually shallow when you try to swim its depth.
...
It was love for me...
But I think it was just an infatuation for him.
...
It all started that night...
I can feel the cold breeze against my skin; the sounds of the waves are like music to my ears and the moon... it's shining brightly in the sky together with its stars.
"How have you been, Cresia?"
Suddenly, all the voices and laughs from my friends disappear. I was deafened by that question. I know it's just me, but everyone fell into silence, which deepened the sounds of the water striking the shore.
The long strides I'm making while walking on sands became short, and my fast pace became slow. He's somehow far behind me, and I do not want to speak loudly just so he could hear me.
"I'm good," I casually replied, trying to hide my surprise.
We were never close.
Yes, we used to be classmates, but I don't even remember myself talking to him - even once - during my time at their school.
That is why I'm wondering why he is starting a conversation now.
I shook my head.
Probably, it is just for formality. After all, we've been hanging together for several hours without words. We already took so many pictures with our friends and shared so many stories, yet we haven't exchanged a word to each other.
"Do you still go to school?"
He asked again.
He is still walking behind me, but unlike earlier, he's quite near.
"Yes," I said and gave him a nod.
"Really? What program are you taking?"
I sighed.
For some reason, it feels awkward. I don't feel like talking because I know our friends are already listening, and it is very uncomfortable.
But he seems determined.
"Education," still, I responded. "How 'bout you? Do you still go to school?" I added.
I do not want to be rude, so I did my best to return the question. Honestly, I'm not even interested. I'm not sure if it is because a part of me already knows the answer... or it is because his presence is really making me unsettled.
"Yes, electrical engineering."
I can't help but turn my head to him.
I thought he had stopped.
Although we never had an interaction before, I am aware of his existence. His group of friends are those who are good-for-nothing jerks that are usually seen on TV series or read in novels. Jerks, who only know how to ruin their lives by wasting their time over nonsensical and useless things rather than focusing on their studies.
I always thought that they were not taking life seriously back then and that they would never make it to college. So, it is shocking to know that he continues.
"Great!"
I uttered.
...
Somehow, my heart warmed. We were never close, but hearing that he chose to pursue his study, I'm happy for him.
I waved my hand as I watched my friends' car leave. Today feels surreal. No wonder they are my most treasure friends from high school.
They never leave. They never forget.
They always make me feel included no matter how far I am and no matter how long it has been.
I'm truly blessed to have those friends who make me feel proud of having them.
...
Before I fell asleep, I remembered Jaia's face.
I guess I'm wrong, huh? So, the phrase, "Do not judge the book by its cover," is true?
I shook my head and smiled to myself.
Well, I'm glad that it is.
Love,
Crezia
