SIBLINGS

[7]

Indigo Chávez

I've been on hold for about 45 minutes.

I'm contacting the district to apply for free lunches.

Sorry, that's what the lady on the phone said before she put me on hold.

A new bill was passed, and they kept hounding Annie's mom, so she told me to just sign up for free lunch because we qualify.

The same lady with a southern accent, even though we're in the northwest, takes me off hold. "Sir. Thank you for holding. Please provide an email address. We will email you the form. You can fill it out online or print it and submit it to our district office. It's the one across the street from the high school and next to that new gymnastics gym. If your student or students qualify, please remind them that when they get to that pay stage they have to say Free Lunch and show the lunch lady a little slip of paper that they can get from the bookkeeper. The slip says specialty lunch, but your child still has to specify free lunch because of gluten-free kids, peanut allergy, and all that other stuff have this same card. I hope that makes sense because the lunch ladies have to mark what is what,"

She giggles for a little bit. Man, she talks fast. I didn't need all that information. What did she even say? And why is she here of all places? Do people even still talk in accents, even in southern states? Like I think only older people do.

"If you qualify, we will let you know,"

I give her my email.

"Do you have any further questions, sweetheart?"

Sweetheart? "No, I'm all set, thank you. You were very helpful. Have a great day."

Filled out the online form. Called again. Accepted.

I'm so fucking tired.

I can't even look at the burns on my chest for too long without vomiting. It burnt through layers of skin in some parts. There are scabs from where it was bleeding. There are spots that are bubbled and don't look as bad but they hurt a lot worse. I keep putting chapstick on it but I don't think it's helping. I've never been burnt this badly, usually she only bubbles my skin in some spots and most is red. but this time, there are some spots where she burnt through layers and then there's the random cigarette burn too. I can't really feel the pain until the oxy wears off, then it's unbearable.

Maybe I should go to the doctor.

Will I die from these? Probably not, but you never really know.

Most of it's just bubbled like normal, only some is worse.

I'll leave it up to God if it's my time or not.

If I die, I die.

I always tell myself I don't believe in God, but I think deep down, I fucking believe in the guy.

I hope there is something to look forward to after death.

I don't want all of them to just be gone.

I want everyone, especially him, to be up there, in heaven, because I don't want to accept that they are just gone. There has to be more. I just refuse to. I believe that there is nothing after death. There has to be.

When it rained that day, I took it as God's way of saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving him more than he could handle. I'm sorry. He wasn't a coward. He was a fighter, but he couldn't do it anymore.

And it wasn't just rain. It rained so heavily, and it didn't stop in 10 minutes like it normally does here. It lasted hours, and it even hailed a little bit despite the unbearable heat.