Feelings

Revelations

"Sophie?"  the voice at her back made her turn and smile.  There, after all this time she stood, a hesitant smile and a hope.  Emma was an older, prettier - if that was possible - and wiser version of the one she remembered.  

"Emma! Oh my god, come here!" Sophie felt a rush of empathy, sympathy, love, call it what you want, but the years and the argument disappeared in a single look and a hug.  They stood, hugging and crying on the little bridge, oblivious to the passers by and warmed by the mirrored emotions.

Sophie was about as different as Emma could have imagined. She wanted to ask all about the transformation from the girl she once knew, but that wasn't why they were there. They were there to patch things up. Permanently. 

"Come on, let's go in, don't know about you but all this crying has made me hungry!" Sophie threaded her arm through Emma's and the years fell away.  By the time they were seated, they were laughing and joking like old times.  Well, almost.  There was one spectre that haunted the pair of them and they knew it.  

"Ok" Emma said, as they perused the menu, "I've held on long enough. What's the story with you and Tom? He's told me some things but, like all men, is absolutely useless with details so spill!"

"Don't know what you mean?"  Sophie barely looked up, barely sounded interested, but she was. VERY.  She knew he would come up eventually and was prepared for a lecture about 'not getting involved' and 'he's just too busy for all that' and 'he's my brother that's disgusting!' but instead she got a smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Oh come on!  It's ME you're talking to Soph!  I can still read you like a book - and he's not much better.  He's gone all Rita Hayworth on me, groaning and rolling his eyes dramatically any time I mention your name.  Thinks you still hate him after all this time!"  she put the menu down and reached over to lay a hand on her friends arm.  "Look, this lunch is about you and me and catching up for the last God knows however many years,  not lanky big brothers but one goes hand in hand with the other.  Now, I'm not, despite what you might think, a complete bitch.; I do want to see BOTH of you happy."  Sophie started to object but Emma squeezed her hand, "no, wait, listen to me?" Sophie closed her mouth and smiled.  Emma nodded. "Good, now do you or do you not have a bloody ENORMOUS crush on my horrendously ugly brother?" she laughed as she said it and Sophie couldn't help but see just exactly how much Emma really did love him.

She looked at Emma and knew she had to admit defeat.  "Yes" she said quietly, all the laughing stopped. "I think I do." she flushed and Emma smiled.

"Thank you.  Now, you think or you do? "

"I do." 

"At long last, one of you can add up to five without using your fingers.  Now, what are you going to do about it?  He's like a bloody wet weekend in Margate at the moment and quit frankly, it's getting a bit much.  I was supposed to be staying with him for a couple of days to have a break.  It's turned into a bloody red cross mission!" 

The waiter appeared and took their order, bringing a bottle of wine in the meantime.  As they sat and nibbled on prawn crackers, trying not to get drunk, they chatted.  

"I never did HATE him Emms, that was never the feeling.  You know why I was nasty to him? Because, and you're going to laugh, I was jealous. Of the two of you." she looked at her, toying with the stem of her glass, watching the wine swirl around as she spoke.  "To nine year old, only child me, you two had the perfect life.  When I joined in on the teasing, I wanted his attention. I wanted to be one of your little gang.  I don't really think I knew I fancied him, at nine you don't think like that do you, I just wanted him to like me.  Chase me the way he chased you. " she looked up and Emma's mouth was all but hanging open.

"And later? When you told me..."

"That was rude and uncalled for, I should never have said it. I'm truly sorry." Sophie looked at her with an expression somewhere between embarrassment and regret. "We could have spoken years ago if I hadn't been so...  jealous."  

It was Emma's turn to feel sorry now, for all the things they'd missed out on, for all the laughs and the adventures and the best friend love that two girls go through as they navigate their way into womanhood.  "And I should have been kinder.  To him, to you. Are you still jealous? Really, it's ok, since we're being brutally honest." she smiled and Sophie knew she could say what she felt.  

"Jealous?  No, now I understand the way siblings work.  There's nothing and no one that can have that special type of bond.  I'm just, well, disappointed because, now it's too late. He just doesn't see me that way. He made that quite obvious.  I had thought Tom was different, but he isn't, is he?  He's just a man."

"Didn't someone once say there are NO men like him?" Emma laughed and winked and Sophie half choked on her wine.

"Oh don't YOU start with the quotes now too. " she laughed a little then sighed. "When I arranged to meet him, I really thought he was interested in getting to know me, not the little girl I once was.  Now? Now I see it was all just a joke." she looked at her friend sadly, "you asked if I'm jealous?  No, I have no room for jealousy where Tom is concerned.  I just feel sad.  About what I could have had." 

"But you still can you know." Emma nodded as the waited put their plates in front of them. "You just have to have a little faith.  The universe has a way of making things work out the way they're supposed to you know." she took a bite of her meal and smiled, "Now, I know we're going to talk about this ALOT, I have things to tell you that need your attention and that will spoil our lunch. So, why don't we park him for a little while and just enjoy the best Szechwan Chicken I've tasted for a very long time."

Sophie nodded and took a bite. "Mmmm" she closed her eyes and savoured the spicy sweetness. "THAT'S what I'm talking about." 

The two women sat and ate and passed the time of day with chat that ranged from what they watched on tv last night to the state of the world's climate to which nail polish was the best wearing.  As they had in childhood they talked over each other, at each other and always with each other.  It was like they'd never been apart. 

Anyone looking on would have never guessed the pain and animosity.  Anyone looking on might even take them for sisters.  Anyone who didn't know them. But one onlooker did.  One very shocked onlooker.

He sat a couple of tables away, hidden by a carved partition screen at a table he'd been specifically instructed to sit at.  In the quiet restaurant he could hear - almost - every word of their conversation.  He'd heard the candid confession, been shocked by the misunderstanding and warmed by the fact she obviously still cared enough to be sad.

Now, all he had to do was act on it.  As they girls laughed and joked and ordered coffee and deserts, he paid his bill and left.  He needed time to get just the right approach.

As he slipped out the door, collar up and hat on, the last thing he heard wafting over the subdued room was his sister. 

"Now, about that day with Tom.  There's something you need to know about that lipstick..."