Feelings

Soiled

The door closed on the deafening silence.  She'd defended herself as best she could but he was big and strong.  Too strong. His hands had gone everywhere, touched everything.  Left no marks. Left no evidence.  He had done this before.  He didn't rape her, oh no.  Well, not in the usual sense.  He'd raped her mind as he'd ravaged her body.

All the while, bent over the sinks, she had been forced to look into the mirror.  One hand holding her head up by the hair, her mouth stuffed with paper towels.  She'd tried to kick and struggle but he weighed three times what she did, ineffectual didn't come close.  

In the end, she'd detached herself.  Watched the sordid scene like some cheap B-movie.  When he was done, when he'd sated his desire, he threw her roughly to the ground.  As she tore the paper from her mouth, his parting shot was deadly accurate. 

"Don't bother to tell anyone, they won't believe you.  You have no evidence, I haven't marked you and I haven't left any trace of me in that tight little cunt.  Not this time.  Oh and believe me, there will be a next time.  You will continue to work for me, you will continue to satisfy me in ANY capacity I desire. Don't let it even cross your mind to try to tell anyone. If you do, I will ruin not only you,  but that irritating little arsewipe of a boyfriend of yours.  Don't bother to deny it. I know you're screwing him.  I can tell." disgustingly he licked his lips, then continued, "I will make it my mission to destroy his career." 

He threw a fresh towel at her.  "Now clean yourself up and come back out.  We have guests to see to.  They have money we want.  It's all for a good cause you know." he smiled and unlocked the door.  A quick check to see if anyone was around and he left.

Sophie sat, motionless and in shock for a minute then scrambled to her feet, making it into a stall in time to lose her dinner.  Sitting back down, she knew he was right.  Who would believe her?  She was no-one.  He was , well, HIM.  She walked over to the mirrors and looked at herself.  No-one would know to look at her.  That she had been soiled, defiled, threatened and abused.  She hoped, for Tom's sake, she could keep it that way. At least for now.

As they drove home in the taxi, Luke was the first to test her resolve.  "Where did you get to earlier?  When I was dancing with Josie?" he glanced over and she shrugged.

"Dunno, just the loo?" she tried to make out it was of no consequence she'd gone to the loo for almost half an hour. He looked back at the passing buildings, trying not to make it seem like the Spanish Inquisition..

"Ok." he didn't sound at all convinced and she felt herself grow nauseous and cold. 

"Luke?" could she tell him without telling him?  

"Yes?"

"I'm... alright.  There's absolutely nothing wrong.  I couldn't be better. Please don't worry about me.  Or tell Tom I was missing?"  she prayed he would get the inference.  He glanced over again and for a second, saw something in her eyes that made him scared.  He would DEFINITELY tell Tom.

"Ok." 

They parted at the kerb as he helped her from the taxi. "You sure you're ok?" one last chance.  She nodded.  Her eyes told a different story but he also knew there was no way she was telling him.  Whatever it was would have to wait for now.  He kissed her hand gallantly and got back into the taxi.  She waved him off and walked back to her flat.

Getting inside, she stripped in the hallway, not even making it as far as the bedroom.  She dumped everything on a chair and walked straight into the shower.  

Two hours, a whole bottle of gel and some very sore skin later, she emerged.  Raw both emotionally and physically, she crawled into bed.  She would deal with the clothes tomorrow.  It was Saturday.  No work.  Work.  The thought of going in and facing him after what he'd done?  She vomited another twice before she was done.  

The darkness soothed her and soon she was asleep.  She would think about things in the morning.  There had to be something she could do.  There HAD to.

The breaking dawn found her sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea as she contemplated her options.  A partial night's sleep had done little. She didn't feel any stronger, any more composed. Her mind replayed the options over and over. She would resign and to hell with the consequences.  She would stay and tough it out.  She would tell Luke everything.  She would tell Tom everything.  She would do nothing and just pretend it never happened.  She knew, in the end, he had the power he said he did. He could do exactly what he'd promised and in a flash, Tom's career would be side lined.  She couldn't take the risk. 

Luke came over later that day with a couple of documents for Tom to sign.  Even these days, now and again a wet ink signature was still needed.

"Wouldn't it have been quicker to Fed-Ex them to him?" she asked, not unpleasantly, just curiously.  He wasn't due back for another couple of weeks.  

"Ah well, that's where I sometimes know more than you do!" he smiled and tapped the side of his nose. "I have it on good authority - like horses' mouth good - that he will be here, home in London, by Wednesday night.  And since you two haven't seen each other for eleventy million years, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'd be wasting my time leaving them at his house?" he winked and she blushed, nodding.

"Think you might be right." she mumbled with a smile.

"Sorry?  What was that?  I might be what....?" he stood with a hand cupped to his ear, as if straining to hear something interesting.

"Oh stop it you!" she giggled and then sighed "I said, you might be right!" she rolled her eyes and Luke let out a laugh.

"Right, on that happy note, I'm off.  Have a good couple of days, you'll have the aftermath of the party to deal with tomorrow, so I'll be in touch after Tom comes back.  

"what do you mean aftermath?" her tone was sharper than she intended, mainly through guilt. "sorry, sorry, what do you mean aftermath?" she relented as she blushed yet again.

"You know, the money, the donations, all that." he looked at her, really looked at her. "Why?  What did you THINK I meant?" he was definitely going to have to speak to Tom.  Get him to root out the problem.

"Oh nothing, sorry, just a bit stressed.  You know how these situations can be.  She smiled and hoped it looked more relaxed.  Luke seemed to accept this and nodded, hugging her briefly he left.

That was close, she said to herself as she watched him walk up the street.  This was ridiculous. she had to do something.  She knew she had to be brave.  It struck her bullies are cowards at heart.  She knew if she threatened him, called his bluff... Feeling more calm, she walked into the living room and opened her laptop.

In minutes it was done; an email.  A resignation and a promise.  She would leave, she would say nothing but if he opened his mouth to decry her or Tom or even Luke, she would go to the papers. To hell with it, if he could play dirty so could she.  If she got in first, no matter how little, the damning mud would still stick.  Who knew how many other people he'd threatened in a similar situation.

She closed the laptop with a click.  Walking into the hall, she opened the cupboard and extracted the crumpled dress and the beautiful shoes.  She had been tempted to dump them in the initial aftermath but now? No, she wanted to reclaim them.  As a symbol of how much Tom cared, not how much that animal had stolen.  Placing the shoes carefully into their bags and then the box, she turned to the dress.  There were faint water stains on it from where she'd sat on the floor.  Hanging it carefully in it's carrier, she hung it on the outside of the door, ready to take to the cleaners.  As the adrenaline from writing the email faded, her courage was beginning to desert her, it was a long time till Wednesday.

With an increasingly defeated air, she went back into the living room and walked over the tv, switching it on.  Grabbing a box of tissues, a box set of her favourite drama and a catering size pack of Maltesers, she sat down.  

She didn't move for six entire series.