no one knows

today at lunch

Sept 27th
It's lunchtime and my friend isn't here so I won't eat.
I barely packed lunch anyways I don't need food. I need to lose weight. I don't feel myself.
I'm 17 about 300 pounds and just hate it. I'm starting to eat more or less.
I want to be like the other girls' skinny pretty and well, not me.
I'm sitting alone, and soon enough, these girls sit at the table without asking, so it's more awkward, and I sit won't eat.
I'll have maybe a snack later, nothing big, nothing too small.
I know it's coming back. I know the feeling of not being myself is coming back. I act happy and such, but in reality, I am not myself
I am not the person u see every day with a smile. I sometimes am happy, but lately
I'm......so .....overwhelmed
And I have realized I am a girl most people don't want
I'm not pretty, but most girls say I am
I am not normal
I wish to be someone else. I hate having this. My parents think I'm bulimia
I eat / starve all day, and then I binge eat a lot of food .
I'm starting to realize they might be right I love food but sometimes I feel I don't deserve food I see my firends they are tiny and beautiful and I'm here not tiny I'm fat to be honest I wanted to try to be kat from euphoria but I only got so far and I don't have much confidence I worry what people say.
But
I . Am . Me

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