Im tired..The way it is right now im just hopeless.I know i shouldnt be but maybe u will understand if u are in my place.Just maybe.Im not studying or working while others are studying and working hard.I cant relate to friends my age.But im used to it.I know everyone life will not be the same.But not in this way..not doing anything.Just staying at home doing chores and cooking.Im more than burnout by now.All my hopes are long dead.
When my family and friends are talking about their progress..what am i suppose to feel? Im over here stuck.Wasting my time and teenage year.What about me? I know everyone is tired and want to be me when they hear my story.But trust me theres nothing fun about it.I rather work or study.But people say im ungrateful and that i will regret.I dont know about that.Because in my situation i would do anything to run from this house.Yes,im even desperate.Lots of people say they want to be me.Sure,lets see if u can sit in my shoe. I just can assure its not fun.What are u thinking? Sitting at home and do nothing? Able to go out? No! U cant go out and u have to push yourself to do ur daily routine which is cooking and chores even when ur tired,sick,burnout. Worst..on period pain..While having cramps..And u keep sitting but u will get mad by them if your slacking cuz theyre keeping their eyes on u.Still think its nothing? Just look at ur mom and see why theyre so tired and always grumpy.Chores is nothing? Its actually a never ending job and u have to do it over and over in a day.U clean at morning and at evening its messy again.U clean it and at night its messy again.So u tidy up 3 times in a day and u have to do that every day.Because they cant see u slacking or see the house messy.They will assume ur lazy and do nothing.They also think u have it easy just because theyre out all day working.
Its unfair.But life is unfair.When theyre talking about their future.It just make me think..what about me? They will become successful in a few years and me? But i cant do anything about it.Are my family trying to ruin my future? That cant be right? What kind of family want to do that? Maybe they already plan out something like they said.But if they did, why leave me out? I mean im used to it since im the youngest. But they will they still leave me out even when their talking about my future? How does that work.Theyre just gonna plan out my whole life ? I dont have a say? Only god can do that and we can work on it.But what are u....
This.Only this.Can drive me insane.I wanna have a life too.Theyre struggling and tired but at least the one that working get money and be able to do savings.The one that are studying at least get knowledge and certificates and will help them in finding work afterwards.Me? Do i not deserve that. Am I not a human being? Whats the purpose of me being born? Why are they keeping me to themself.To used me?
But again, what kind of family would do that right? Maybe theyre just protecting me? They love me? Theyre taking care of me very well. Or too well? Is there such things? Things like this make me question life.Question everything actually.Why?What about me?
Though, I must say that i still have a liltle hope that things will look up for me one day and that my future would suddenly be better than them one day.If thats even possible.Im hopeless and helpless for now but i will go with the flow and see what life has for me.It cant be im born for nothing right? It cant be that i dont deserve happiness.Im depressed but im good at ignoring that and keep my life going.Even though everyday is just a typical day for me doing the same thing.But will it be forever? Will it end? Im truly just hoping for a miracle.And I will continue to pray to god.At least if i cant do anything in life,maybe i can at least chase god love.
