Palatial Intimacy

XXI - The Notes

April 23, 2030

Will woke to the feeling of the mattress shifting beside him. Groggy, he let his eyes peel open, trying to make sense of the blurry numbers on the bedside clock. The room was still dark, and he could tell the time had three digits, but that was about all his brain would let him comprehend.

Hannibal's warm arm draped around him, hugging his chest, and their bodies pressed together. Will closed his eyes again, enjoying the moment.

"I don't remember falling asleep," he said.

"You dissociated," Hannibal replied lowly by his ear. "We had that experience, switching bodies, and you started having a panic attack. I gave you a Valium. You started staring off into space, and then you passed out."

"I'm still feeling it." Will blew out air through his pursed lips. "I'm not all there right now."

"It's half past two. You don't have to be here." Hannibal kissed his neck. "Go back to sleep."

Will focused on the rhythmic rise and fall of Hannibal's chest, the way each exhale sent a stream of air past Will's cheek.

"Hannibal."

"Will."

"I..." Will could hardly keep his eyes open. "I'm scared."

Hannibal stroked his hair. "What scares you?"

"I don't know what this thing is doing to us. I don't want to lose myself. I don't want to go crazy."

"It's going to be okay," Hannibal reassured him. "We'll talk about this in the morning. There's nothing we can do while we're both exhausted and you're still half gone on Valium."

"I know. I can't help it, though."

"We don't have to use it again."

"But I want my memory back. And it's working."

"You'll have to decide what's most important, then, I suppose." Hannibal kissed the back of his neck. "But don't do it now. You need to rest."

Will relaxed and let himself drift off once more.

~~~

"The police are gone."

"Hm?" Will looked up from the book he was skimming. The two of them were pacing around Hannibal's office, with Hannibal desperately pawing through his papers for anything that might bring back Will's memories. Apparently, the two of them had burned all of the notes about Will, including the ones they'd written to each other, but Hannibal was convinced he would find something. That, or he just wanted to be helpful. "They're gone?"

"They've stopped camping out in front of the house. They could be farther down the neighborhood, but as far as I can see, they're gone."

"You haven't done anything suspicious." Will shrugged. "And they're certain it's Chilton."

"Has he caved yet?"

"No. All lawyered up. And he won't let anyone use the LOOM."

"Probably for the better." He pulled a pen and paper out from one of the drawers. "Will you humor me with something?"

"Sure."

"Lay it all out for me." Hannibal slid the things across the desk, raising an expectant eyebrow. "Write down everything you may remember. All of it. The things I've told you, and the things I haven't told you. Everything about those few months that's sitting there in your brain. Even if they're disjointed memories, or just images, every little bit helps. Got it?"