10 Days of Gayism

Day 7 - It's ok to be confused

09/09/2023
Saturday

This morning when I woke up, I was determined to make this trip work out, no matter what. But when I checked out of the hotel, I wasn't so sure how. I still didn't know what to say to Dylan when I got back. So I decided to gather my thoughts for a bit and sat down on a nearby bench.

When I was deep in thought, I heard some whispers and looked around for its source. There was a bench completely hidden behind shrubs and two guys sitting on it were chatting about something. I was too close and couldn't help overhearing them.

A guy with a surprisingly warm voice said, "Don't worry. You don't have to understand your feelings. It's ok if you're confused. Just give it more time". Another guy, with a thin voice, responded, "I know, but what if I lose him? I've been acting all awkward around him. He's already moving away from me." I heard a sobbing sound and felt pity for that guy.

But what the first guy said next made it all make sense. He said, "Hey, look at me. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he's with you when you are not yourself. Don't try to find happiness in others. I know he's important to you but some heartbreaks are inevitable. What you can do is make sure that your broken heart has enough will to mend itself. Do you know what gives that courage and will? Self-love. It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter how you are. You have to know that you deserve the happiness you get. You have to be greedy enough to take happiness from whatever you have in life. No one can make you love your life. You yourself can. Take your own time to understand yourself. Experiment with your sexuality. I can be happy even without coming under a category. You don't have to brand yourself. It's fine if you don't know what you want in life. You'll feel it when the time comes. Until then enjoy life as it is. As you are."

The next thing I knew I was in front of Rex and Dylan, in our hotel room. Rex seemed to have recovered and Dylan seemed to have calmed down. Dylan started to say something but I interrupted. I needed that. I needed to talk.

"Dylan. I'm not here to talk about everything that happened. When I planned this trip, it was not only to get to know Rex better but also to enjoy with you guys together like before. I'm still not sure about how I feel but can we keep everything aside and enjoy this trip like there's no tomorrow and nothing to lose?" I blurted out.

They didn't say a word but just smiled like idiots and nodded. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.