10 Days of Gayism

Day 10 - Knowing Myself

12/09/2023
Tuesday

We slept there for the rest of the night. When I woke up this morning, I knew I had a whole new world to discover and whole new people to understand.

As we were waiting to board the plane and Rex went for the washroom, Dylan talked to me. He said, "You know. Rex and I had a fight when you were gone. I didn't tell him that I liked him. I didn't tell him that I came here for him. But he told me everything. It didn't feel like the right time to tell him about how I felt. So, I didn't".

I stared at Dylan. I was shocked that Rex would express his feelings for Dylan, just like that for me. "What did Rex tell you?" I asked. Dylan went pink (I thought 'Awww...this guy can blush') and said "He told me that he liked me and even if you didn't like him being gay, you tolerated everything and planned this trip to give us a chance of getting together. He told me you were the best person ever and I have to try to understand you. He nearly threatened me that if I hurt you, I'll have no place in his life too." I was dumbstruck. I couldn't speak. My eyes welled with tears.

He gave a small smile and continued. "You know Ryan. I no longer care if you have feelings for Rex. Not because Rex likes me but because I know you've always looked after him as a caretaker. You've always been there for Rex, protecting him each time he gets into trouble. If Rex likes you back, I will happily step away. Rex needs someone like you to have his back. Someone he can rely on. I do too". As he looked at me I could see the deepest layers of his heart.

This trip changed my life. Changed me. I still don't know if I'm straight or Bi. I think I find guys attractive too and I still have to test it out. But one thing I'm sure about is that I've always loved Rex. Not like a boyfriend but as a brother. I care for him. I worry for him. I panic when he's serious about someone. I worry that he'll get hurt. But in the end, I always want him to be happy.