The Fault In Reality

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jack leans against the rail, legs stretched out behind him and hat tipped against the sun. He's smiling , the sort of big stupid smile that comes from watching something well done. It's strange, and it's simple, and in some inexplicable way, it's beautiful.

Devany is this huge powerful horse, yet his steps are small and timid, he almost swallows himself with each little movement. Chase's hands are quiet, steering with invisible cues. He sends Devany at a walk one way, then the other. I give him a nod and his calves tighten ever so slightly, only to loosen moments later as Devany unfolds into a trot. Sunlight steals over the two, and catches in the ripples of Devany's coat.

There are moments of confusion, of course, times when Chase muddles his cues or asks just an inch in the wrong direction. Then the ears go back and Devany falters in his step.

By the end of a half hour the two are working seamlessly together. They give and take from each other in just the right way. Devany's softens the curl of his neck and Chase loosens his reins. Chase relaxes, sits deep in the saddle, and Devany stops what few experimental bucks he cares to offer.

I watch it all, pride swelling in my heart. Melancholy is there, too, but I push it away and focus on the success in front of me.

Jack is impressed. I can see it in his widened eyes and furrowed brow. Perhaps he thought it was nothing more than a romantic notion, a bit of fun. Pay some kids to train an untrainable horse, something to keep them busy over the summer... I'm certain he never expected us to get this far.

"Well I have to hand it to you, you've done a terrific job on him. Wouldn't ever know he was the same horse," he finally says.

I nod. Devany looks happy and healthy beyond recognition. With a regime of careful grooming his coat has gone from muddied and dull to a sleek velvet. His mane and tail are no longer the gnarled mess they used to be, and even his demeanor has transformed. Relaxation has softened his spine, coaxed up his ears, smoothed out the fearful flare of his face.

Thinking over this makes the sorrow in me resurface. Suddenly I don't want to watch Chase and Devany working out so perfectly. I want, with a savage ferocity, for Devany to rear high to the air and throw Chase right off his back. As soon as I realize the thoughts I'm having I smother them, but it leaves me feeling uneasy with myself. Jealousy was never a problem for me. Why should it be? As a child I had the best of everything, I was always the envy of my class.

Jack pushes off the rail beside me, still looking surprised. He sticks out his hand for me to shake, which I do.

"Well, Miss Era, I must say I'm amazed. I bet he'll be a top rate champion by the end of the summer, won't he?" he asks with a wink.

Something catches in my throat. I look to Devany, watch his beautiful self flowing over the ground, one leg after another. I squeeze my eyes shut and turn away. It's over. It's done. Is there any sense of redemption? No. Just more endless regret and mangled emotions. What did I expect? That if I helped this horse, my guilt would vanish?

Bitterness seeps into me, metallic and malicious. I don't want it. I don't want any of this. I peel open my mouth and say,

"Why don't you pick him up tomorrow?"

Jack stares at me, as though calculating my sincerity.

"Alright, I suppose that'd do if you're sure you don't want to keep him 'till the end of summer..." he trails off doubtfully, looking confused.

I give him a curt nod, his hand one last shake, and turn back to face the rail. I ignore the sorrow that is erupting in my chest, fighting to escape my lips and eyes and nose. Inside the corral, Chase is asking Devany to spiral inwards at various gaits. Devany's hips are swaying loosely out behind him, his ears are at a relaxed flop. He's focused solely on Chase and his work.