sitting just behind you

I'm sorry

Taehyung's POV:

I was sitting by her side. She was still unconscious. I held her bandaged hand and warm tears of regret ran down my cheeks. It's all because of me that she is here.

I can never forgive myself for this no matter what. The world around me felt spiraling when the doctor said she won't survive if we were late by just a few minutes.

I put my head beside her and kept apologising to her. " I am sorry Dasom. Please wake up. It's all my fault."

I was sobbing hard just when the nurse came to check on her.

"I am sorry but you have to wait outside for sometime sir. Your wife will be fine soon. Please try to pull yourself up."she said.

I was not ready to leave her alone any longer. She already hurt herself so much because of me.

But the nurse forced me to go out and I have to come out. As I made my way out I glanced at her sleeping face one last time,almost dead.

I was sitting outside her ward. As I kept watching the hospital ceiling and her door I remembered the day when Seojung hit her.

I was so shattered at her bruised sight.  Her head was bleeding badly and she was not able to breathe properly. It was the day when I knew for the first time she was having anxiety attacks.

I was responsible that day ,I am responsible today. She is always suffering because of me, always in threat.

I was palming my face putting my face down,when someone put their hands on my shoulder. I got startled and looked at the person. It was Namjoon hyung.

I couldn't control myself and hugged him immediately. "Hyung- I- I Dasom..,"

He patted my back and comforted me. It was too much to handle at this moment. The guilt of putting Dasom on the verge of death. I wasn't even able to face hyung.

Hyung was so calm as always. I expected him to be furious, to beat me and ask me how I can do this to Dasom. But instead he was completely silent and it killed me more than anything.

After seeing Dasom from just outside the room he walked me to the canteen. "Come eat something. I know you haven't eaten anything. I brought jjampeong."he said so casually that someone would not believe he was even worried.

I was quite shocked by his unexpected behaviour. We took seats and he opened the boxes of lunch. I was looking down fidgeting with my fingers.

"I'm sorry, I was not able to come here early. Actually I got to know today only when you called me. So.."he kept the sentence unfinished but it was enough for me to understand.

"Hyung,"I started to talk the talk. "I - I am not able to understand this. I mean why you are acting so calm ? Are you not angry or disappointed in me for hurting Dasom?"I asked him.

"Are you asking about her being physically hurt or emotionally?" He asked once again with the same serenity on his face.

"Both," I say without looking up. "Not at all. You haven't hurt her. It is her past that is devouring her. Instead you pulled her out a long time ago. It's true things are not going the way they should but I hope you won't lose your calm you have for her. This is what kept her safe for so long. Now that you are losing the grip of your calm so you are beginning to lose her too. " As he says the part of losing her I look at him with frightened feeling.

I can't lose her. I just can't. She is everything to me.

"Just watch the things and go with the flow Taehyung. I believe you can do it. That is the reason I let you be with her still.." with that he stands and leaves.

We did not even bid eachother a bye. But I can sense him going slowly and just disappearing. I was alone again but this time a weird feeling settled in me.

I was somehow feeling sure. Sure that I was not going to lose her at anycost. I was supposed to heal her.

I got up and walked to.....

***************************************

Past.

Taehyung POV

I was very freaked out seeing Dasom like that. She was not even able to wake up. She was still bleeding and I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

As soon as they took her to the ward to treat her I was left alone outside. All the rush suddenly faded and all I could hear was silence.

I was standing in the middle of the hallway and there was no one around me.

At this time I could think about only one person for me. I called Jin hyung.

He received the call almost immediately,"yeobuyeso??"he said, and I just remained silent.

"Taehyungiee, what happened to you? I am still here, take your time and tell me what happened."Jin hyung said as I was still silent.

He always knew how I felt even without saying. It felt like he could ready mind from anywhere. Finally, I felt like I could muster the strength to speak up so I did but couldn't help my tears.

"Hyung can you please come to the hospital right now? I need you to be here. I will tell you everything later." I vented.

"Ne, I will be there in half an hour. Don't worry."he said and disconnected the call.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and kept watching Dasom being treated.

I am sorry Dasom. I was not able to save you even when I was near you. 

I am really sorry..

Mianhae..