Deal Breakers

Night 18

It was dark outside, the heat had subsided and there was even a slight breeze in the air. I was walking on the path behind the cabins, the one that led to the large body of water we'd raced in last week.

The only light was the moon, it was shining down illuminating the trees and casting shadows on the ground. I don't know why I was out and about this late, I left Peter sleeping in the cabin. Tomorrow was another long day of interviews and round four. I'm already tired of not knowing what the next day will be like, what mental or emotional turmoil I'll face.

The soft crunch of grass beneath my feet seemed to echo as I walked. I took a seat on a boulder beside the lake, the rough rock scratched at my palms as I hoisted myself onto it. We'd been here two weeks and the only thing I knew for sure was that when Chase was near me I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. When our skin touched it felt like electricity shot through me. I sat there trying to recall a time when it was like that with Peter and I found myself digging for memories that didn't exist. I could think of times that Peter showed up when I needed him, but so did Chase I can think of times when Peter was reliable I can think of times when he helped me improve myself and when he told me my writing wasn't my strongest suit. but I can't remember a time when I felt so drawn to Peter that visceral reaction.

Peter didn't have a lot of romance in him either, but he was there when it counted. A team player for sure.
I love Peter, I have no doubts in my mind about that.

The lake was a black mirror, broken only by the erratic dance of moonlight. A bitter chill crept into me, a stark contrast to the heat building in my chest. Chase and Samantha. Together. The thought was a physical pain. I pictured them here at the lake, their laughter carried on the night breeze. Or worse, I imagined them in his cabin, the flickering fire casting long, distorted shadows. A wave of nausea washed over me.

Why do I torture myself?

I've been working on not obsessing over him, or my residual childhood attraction to him. But I couldn't sleep, I was lying in bed thinking about our younger years. I so desperately waited for Chase to make a move, to ask me out. He never did, though I thought we shared the same feelings, I was wrong. When we were kids I knew Peter liked me, it was obvious. He always flirted with me and would sit by me, maybe I was too naive to see Chase never liked me.

I heard a rustle in the bushes to the left, I quickly stood up, and my started heart racing. I'm in the middle of the Tennessee woods and I can't remember if there are bears here, but lord I don't want to be bear chow.

I grabbed a rock, no bigger than a soda can, and stood as still as possible.

I'm supposed to play dead, right?

Before I could decide to lay on the ground or run, a figure emerged and it wasn't a bear. It was a man; it was Chase.

God, I wish it would have been a bear.

"Lala?" He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes with both hands much like a child awake from a bad dream.

He walked closer, he was shirtless with only his pajama pants hanging on his hips. He looked half awake, eyes barely open and disoriented. "Why are you out here?"

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "Couldn't sleep, why are you out here?"

He rubbed his eyes again. "Had a nightmare, thought a walk might help."

I chuckled, thinking he was joking but the look on his face told me he was serious. "What was it about?"

He walked closer, taking a seat beside me on the rock. "Wasn't a nightmare per se, just dreaming about my mom." He took a deep breath. "Woke up feeling like I was choking."