Deal Breakers

Night 38

Lizzie and Charlie were standing in the Community Cabin with their bags packed. Lots of people have left the cabins, but this one hurt. Lizzie's eyes held back tears while Charlie's somber face said it all. "We'll miss you all," she croaked.

"My dude. Look me up if you're ever in NYC." Chase said with a bear hug. Charlie nodded, returning the embrace.

"I will," He said sadly.

Though nothing in the cabin was different, it seemed gloomier and darker. The air was filled with a damp smell of the rain from this evening. I moved toward Lizzie to embrace her, pulling her in for a hug. "I wrote my number down," I slipped the folded paper into her hand. "Text me. Let's keep in touch."

She nodded, slipping the paper into her jeans pocket before wrapping her arms around me to hold me back. "I can't wait to read one of your books one day, Layla." She said with a chuckle. That's when I felt another pair of arms wrap around us, it was Samantha who'd come over to join in our hug. I forced myself not to recoil from her touch, but my body wanted to push her off me while my brain told me to stay still and not say anything.

Lizzie's eyes released a few tears. "Oh, Mantha. I'll miss you too." I guess Samantha and Lizzie had gotten closer than I'd known, but my focus had mostly been on one person this whole time. Samantha's eyes were welling up. "I'll miss your unsolicited advice, Liz." Denver, Rachel, and James said their goodbyes to them, while Jacob and Timothy were held up in their cabin I assumed.

That was it, they picked up their bags and marched out the door, never to be seen again. As their bodies left the building, so did the presence of lightheartedness. It felt all too serious now, three couples left and one round to go before someone walked away with life changing cash. Samantha and Chase were in the corner of the room, chattering aggressively. Their conversation looked heated, but I couldn't hear a single word. Before I could try and read their lips Peter intertwined his fingers with mine, pulling on me lightly. "Come on, let's go to our cabin."

I nodded, giving him a weak smile. He pulled me along, through the doors Lizzie and Charlie had just exited. This place was like a graveyard now, filled with memories I am ready to leave behind. We walked passed the spot Chase and I kissed, and shivers ran down my spine at the thought. The grass was wet from the rain earlier, our footsteps sloshed through it, but the smell of wet grass filled my nose.

Some things I would miss, while others I could live without. I snorted at my thoughts.

Once on the porch Peter stopped, he turned to face me and pulled me into his arms. Our noses touching, his lips only inches from mine. "You know, I love you. I don't think we've said that much since we got here, but I do love you, Layla."

I let out a long breath, releasing the tension and worry. Maybe even trying to let go of the guilt that was sitting heavy in my stomach. "I love you too."

He kissed my lips, and a familiar feeling crept from my toes to my stomach. It was longing, whether it was for Peter or just to be touched, it was there like a beast roaring for more. His hands slithered down to my ass, pulling me closer. "I've missed you," He growled in my ear before placing a trail of kisses down my neck. A moan escaped my lips at the sensation.

Peter kicked the door behind him, it flew open, and in one swift motion, his hands lifted my legs, wrapping them around his waist as he carried me into the cabin. A pebble of regret was already building inside me, but I knew two things rang true. I love Peter and I needed his touch.

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I couldn't sleep, the room felt mucky and sticky. Peter was fast asleep next to me, his bare chest half covered by the plaid sheet, and his mouth hung slightly open like a child. I could not rest, my eyes opened and shut over and over, but I couldn't get myself to shut my mind off. The kiss between Chase and Samantha was phasing in and out of my mind, melted together with flashes of the moments Peter and I just spent together. Why did it all feel wrong when none of it was? Chase is with someone, I am with Peter- isn't that how it should be?

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the sound of the crickets, hoping it might drown out my thoughts and let me drift off into a peaceful sleep. That's when I heard it, almost like a hissing sound at the window. But it was not the hissing of a snake, no it was familiar. Low and repetitive.

It can't be, I thought to myself. But the sound continued, growing a little louder. I creeped out of the bed, making my way to the living room to peek through the curtain. Atlas, I was right. Chase was standing in his navy pajamas, right there on the porch. His hands cupped around his lips as he made the sound we'd used as kids on our Walkie-talkies late at night. I looked back at the doorway to our room, Peter's quiet snores still rumbling through the cabin.

I opened the door, tip-toeing out of it and shutting it as slowly as possible. "What are you doing here?" I hissed at him. He walked up to me, only a foot from me and it made my stomach uneasy.

"I needed to talk to you earlier," He said with desperation in his voice.

I took a deep breath in, holding it in so that the air could fill my lungs. When I released my breath, I imagined that I was releasing all the hurtful things I wanted to say to him, all the hurt I was feeling when I thought about watching him and Samantha kissing in the game arena.

"About the olive oil?" I asked, trying to sound as detached as possible.

"No," He rolled his eyes. "The kiss with Sam, it wasn't what it looked like."

I balled my hands into fists, holding in my anger as it surged through my arms. "It looked like you and her are very happy."

"No, listen to me I didn't kiss her-" I put my hand up, almost covering his mouth with my palm. So many feelings exploded from my fingertips.

"Peter and I just had sex," I blurt out angrily. "It doesn't matter who you're kissing, I'm engaged to Pete." My hand drops back down to my side, heavy like an anvil. I regret what I just told him, but it was the truth.

Chase's eyes dim, the light once shining behind them gone. His mouth opens but no words come out, he just looks at me like he's seen a ghost. A moment passed, and the silence was louder than a train passing through an abandoned town. Chase's mouth shut tight, and Adam's apple bobbed as he made a hard swallow, perhaps swallowing his pride or the feelings.

"What are you going to tell Peter, when he asks about that kiss?" He said with a vicious and ominous tone, he took a step back giving me some space to breathe.

"I'm not going to, are you?" I crossed my arms across my chest, defensively.

Chase snorted, his blue eyes rolling into the back of his head. "The cameras Layla, you haven't thought about how this will all be on national TV in a few weeks." He rubbed his face, laughing. "Good luck with keeping it from him." He shook his head with pity before turning around and walking down the steps of the porch.

I was cemented to my spot, the weight of Chase's words held me there. I didn't think about any of that, I was so consumed by my guilt and yearning that I didn't take a moment to think about the future. I'd never decided if I was going to tell Peter about the kiss. But now, how could I not tell him? I could either be honest or let Todd Thomas tell him at 6 o'clock Eastern Standard Time.

If you tell Peter now, he's going to lose it. Just wait till the last round is over, then you can tell him everything and you two can figure it out from there, I thought desperate to keep this situation from imploding. But as I dragged myself back into bed, the heavy guilt seemed to grow heavier. Like a fur jacket soaked in rain, threatening to bring me to my knees. I pulled the covers up over my head, settling into my cocoon of shame and worry. This is where I belong.